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Back The Infinite Noise Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. 40
  44. 41
  45. 42
  46. 43
  47. 44
  48. 45
  49. 46
  50. 47
  51. 48
  52. 49
  53. 50
  54. 51
  55. 52
  56. 53
  57. 54
  58. 55
  59. 56
  60. 57
  61. 58
  62. 59
  63. 60
  64. 61
  65. 62
  66. 63
  67. 64
  68. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  69. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  70. Newsletter Sign-up

“I like you too, okay?” It’s loud and stops me in my tracks. “Yeah, I could feel something from you but I was never sure because I was always feeling it too. A lot. So you can stop being an idiot and feeling embarrassed, because if anyone should feel embarrassed it’s me, the guy who’s been so stupid about you that it broke my fucking superpower!”

My heart surges and I stumble forward, leaning my hands on the bed where I placed the phone, bending over it like getting closer to it will be the same as being able to see Caleb’s face in this moment. I want to tell him, “Finally, yes, me too, where are you, I’ll come there,” but my stupid brain cannot let me have one good thing for even one tiny moment.

“But…” I start, not consciously knowing where I’m going with this, “I didn’t think you—how the hell did I not know you’re gay?”

It’s not the right thing to say at all. He just confessed actual feelings for me, I’m pretty sure, and here I am harping on sexuality like some sort of senior citizen, but it also feels like an important question to ask. I’m so terrified. If I fool myself into thinking that this could be something …

“Oh.” Caleb wasn’t expecting that question either. “Um, I don’t know that I am.”

My heart doesn’t even drop; it just up and vanishes. There it is. I expected it, I saw this coming, but it still hurts so much that my breath catches in my lungs. I was wrong. I read this whole situation wrong and I am shattered.

“Oh, right, sorry.” I can’t let him hear how crushed I am. “Never mind—”

“No, no it’s, um…” He pauses and my heart returns in full force, fluttering madly, counting each second of silence before he says, “Not that I’m not into—” He pauses again and I’m going to completely lose my mind—

“It’s just you,” he breathes, “I like you.”

My stomach is in knots as I pace back and forth. At least I’m not in my bedroom anymore. Turns out Caleb was texting me from his therapy session, so I’m frantically wandering the park near his house, waiting for him.

I’m waiting for a boy. I’m waiting for a boy who texted me in the middle of therapy because he couldn’t wait any longer, because he wanted to fix things between us. I’m waiting for a boy who likes me and, yes, who likes me like that. I think. I hope.