BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

‘Yes. I do. It feels … alright, talking to you. Can’t tell anyone else anyway.’ She paused for a while, wiped her hair out of her eyes and went on. ‘And we did it, on my mum’s sofa. He was rough at first. Desperate, but then, he kind of got gentler. It hurt. God it hurt. He pulled out after a bit and put a condom on. Then he stopped and it was over. I felt… numb, I guess. At the end he wouldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t say anything, just lay there underneath him, his head on my chest, stroking the back of his head. I was terrified, waiting for Mum to come home. But when she did, I could smell the booze on her from the front door. She just stuck her head round the door, smiled, then went up to bed.’

Her eyes are fixed on the end of her shovel, sunk a few inches in the black ground. I walk over. My hand finds hers, squeezes it.

‘And that was almost two years ago now. I tried to tell Miss Amber, but I couldn’t, and that’s when it all started going wrong at school, I guess. Though you wouldn’t have known that. You had your own stuff to deal with.’

The tears in my eyes are hot and sharp. ‘I can’t do it. Carl’s plan… I—’

‘I know. Me neither. But not now. I don’t think I can talk anymore.’

I know what she means. For the last ten minutes, it’s like her words have been slowly filling a balloon. Any more words today and the balloon would explode.

‘But when?’ The desperation is clear in my voice. Maybe exploding the balloon would be a good thing.

‘In the new year. When school goes back. We’ll talk then.’ Dana is calm, collected, like she’s got a plan of her own all figured out. ‘We’ve got time. Some, at least.’ I hope she’s right.

‘I have to go.’ My hand is on the lever of the lock when Dana calls me back.

‘Josh.’ Dana crosses the space between us in a few strides, and throws her arms around my neck. I hug her back. ‘Thanks. For listening. And have a good Christmas, OK?’

She closes the door behind me.

FIFTY-ONE

FIFTY ONE

Christmas was Dad’s thing. And now it’s the hardest time of the year.