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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

She ruffles my hair as I pass her, and maybe thinks about doing the thing with her hand on my cheek again, then doesn’t. ‘There’s another two bags in the boot,’ comes her voice from the kitchen, warm, homely, comforting. But I know this, and I’m already halfway down the driveway. Every week it’s the same number of bags, the same things in each one. And, when Mum’s having a good week, the same schedule of meals each night.

Just the same as when Dad was alive.

But hey, it is what it is.

SIX

SIX

It is what it is.

It was a line in a TV series that Mum and I watched together a while back. We’d started watching it after the accident, during the time when I didn’t go to school, Mum didn’t go to work and we would shut the curtains and not move all day. I call it the The Drowned Time.

We’d kept watching that show, episode by episode, through the time when the phone calls and the visits from journalists had become almost unbearable; through the time when the phone calls and visits were from people checking that I was being looked after properly. It was a long-running show, loads of series, and we were thankful for it.

Whenever the characters in this TV series were talking about the situation being really bad – which it often was – they’d look at each other and say, ‘It is what it is’. It became our mantra for a while. We’d kept watching after we re-surfaced from The Drowned Time. And we still watch it now, when we need it. We’ve started again from the beginning, episode after episode. The mantra still makes us smile.

‘It is what it is’ sums things up nicely. It’s definitely not good, but it’s not bad enough to make you stop and want to lie down and never get up again. At least not anymore it isn’t. It’s a situation that you have to deal with, even though you’d rather not, and everyone accepts that it’s crap and does the best they can.

It is what it is.

*

This evening, after chips and chicken Kiev – ‘brown dinner’, Mum calls it (we always have brown dinner on big-shop day) we’re watching one of Mum’s property shows on catch-up.

‘I don’t get this, Mum. So, there’s a couple looking to move house who need to look at houses, and they get shown some houses by some people who are really good at looking at houses. Why can’t they do it for themselves?’

‘I don’t know, smartarse. It is what it is!’ Her mood hasn’t gone down again since we unpacked the shopping. ‘It’s my escapism.’