BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

‘Then, after the bomb happened, his third tour, he came back … I don’t know… different. He started looking at me different too. A couple of years ago this was. And Mum kind of encouraged it in a way. Kept commenting on how nice I looked when he would come over. It was … I don’t know. Weird. His scars were really pink back then, and shiny almost. They made me think of those pink sweets you get, the shrimp ones. And he wore these big bandages under his clothes that smelt of hospitals. I didn’t know how to act around him, this guy who’d been around for so long. Who had been so good to me. All of a sudden he was someone different. And different up here, too.’ She taps her head again.

I move closer to where Dana is digging, turning the soil for the umpteenth time now, lost in the mechanical motion of it as I listen.

‘I felt sorry for him in a way. It was like he’d been chewed up and spat out, unwanted. I wanted to make him happy, I guess. In the way that my cards used to. And, like I said, Mum would always call me down when he came over, tell me to stop with my homework or whatever, make jokes about how all that was pointless if you found the right guy.’

‘And you think she meant—’

‘Of course she did.’ Dana’s spade slices deep into the wet ground. ‘‘Give Carl a kiss hello then” she’d say when I came down, and then say something about what I was wearing, how nice I looked, how I was turning into a young woman. It made me cringe. But I did it. Paraded myself for him I suppose. It made Mum happier too. A bit. To see him happy. Even though my skin used to crawl whenever he hugged me for a little bit too long.’

‘And then…’

‘Mum was going out for the night, with Carl’s mum,’ Dana continues, her voice dropping slightly. Her body is on autopilot, the words finding their own rhythm as she works the spade mechanically, unthinking. ‘Carl was at our house. To babysit, Mum said. I was thirteen. Hadn’t had a babysitter for years. Looking back, I know Mum planned it. I didn’t know she was going out until she was gone, and Carl was in the doorway. I stuck some dinner in the microwave and me and Carl ate on the sofa, watching some old film. I remember the noise his fork made on the plate when he put it down. So deliberate. Then he moved himself closer to me, put his arm around my shoulder. The next thing I knew, his tongue was in my mouth and…’

‘You don’t have to say this.’