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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

In my head, I cut her off and tell her about the research I did for this homework. I tell her that Hardy knew all about this kind of thing. In my head I say that, when Hardy was a kid, the whole Crimean war was fought over the rights of Christian minorities to access the holy lands in the Ottoman Empire. We didn’t want to see them fall into Russian hands which would have excluded our people from practising their faith. And the Boer War, which Hardy was writing about in 1902, was about being British. The Boer didn’t like the British, and wanted to take what the British had. So if the British soldier is looking at a Boer soldier and thinking they might be the same, then that soldier is a traitor to his country because that Boer soldier doesn’t like the way that British people live and would do anything to destroy it. In my head I tell Mrs Burgoyne that, if the soldier comes home from war thinking he shares something with his enemies, then the war has been lost, because his culture and his children’s future is all at risk because he’ll let it wash away like, like … like sand from a beach. He’d have been better dying for his country and making a sacrifice that would make his children proud to be British, rather than coming home and letting his country and his culture erode beneath his feet. In my head I’m on my feet now, almost yelling that Hardy’s ‘hero’ is anything but. He’s a bad soldier – the worst soldier you can be, because he’s not only failed to keep the enemy out, he’s actually let the enemy’s way of thinking in. And once you let the enemy in, it’s almost impossible to get rid of them.

But I say none of this. All of my well-thought-through logic and truth are useless here. I remember what Alan said about the people watching us. My actual response to Mrs Burgoyne is too loud, overly sarcastic. ‘You’re right, Miss. We all need to stop killing each other and be nice to people.’

At the back of the class, one kid starts a slow, ironic hand-clap, but he stops almost immediately under the cold look of Mrs Burgoyne. Jamie, a few rows in front of me, has turned around in his seat and is staring at me with a complete lack of recognition.

On the walk home, which takes a long time, I stop twice to be sick into a bush, and once over someone’s garden wall.

THIRTY-FOUR

THIRTY FOUR

News of my outburst in English, which is already a thin and hazy memory to me, must have gotten around pretty quickly; next day, a few people call me ‘Soldier’ in the corridors.