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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

We spend an awkward ten minutes with Sargant Prangle at her desk as she types away on her computer. There’s an indiscernible crackle from her radio, and she stands. Leading us even deeper into the bowels of the station, she speaks over her shoulder to me. ‘Anything suspicious, you call us, here at the station. OK? Your mum’s got my direct number, Josh, but if you can’t get through, dial 999 if it’s urgent. Stay out of the way. Stay home. We’ll be in touch tomorrow.’

The blue, steel door opens onto a thin road and some dumpsters. Mum sits rigid in the driving seat of the car. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but now we’ve emerged back into daylight the world looks no different at all.

SIXTY-FIVE

SIXTY FIVE

I open the front passenger door for Dana and get into the back. We’re halfway home before anyone speaks. It’s Mum who breaks the silence.

‘Don’t think that you two will be sharing a bed.’

The heat in my cheeks is immediate. ‘Mum, no. It’s not like that.’

‘Oh. Well. OK then. It’s not like I know anything about your life at the moment, Josh, so how would I know? It’s not as if you tell me anything anymore, is it?’

‘I’m sorry, Mrs Milton.’

‘Don’t worry, Dana, it’s just very difficult when your son is something of a stranger to you. When he’s the kind of boy who smashes shop windows with hammers and wants to kidnap the son of one your colleagues and blow up the whole world.’

‘Mum, I—’

‘Don’t, Josh. Not now.’ I can see her knuckles whiten on the steering wheel.

‘He didn’t want to, Mrs Milton. The guy who’s in charge, Carl, he’s horrible. He makes you do things you don’t want to.’

‘I’m sure you’re right, Dana. But I raised a son – your father raised a son, Josh – who didn’t get involved with those sorts of people. A son who spoke to us about things that worried him or that he didn’t understand.’

‘What don’t I understand, Mum? I told you about the website – those websites I'd been going to – about how it felt like it was helping. About how it felt good to be angry. What is it that I still don’t understand?’

‘Your father would not have tolerated—’

‘But he’s not here, Mum, is he?’ I’m shouting now, my anger filling the car. ‘He’s not here and he’s not been here for a long time now. And nor have you. So what am I supposed to do while you’re off with Mr fucking Walters?’