Chapters (75)
- Cover
- Praise
- About the Author
- Title Page
- Intoroduction
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EITHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- SIXTY-ONE
- SIXTY-TWO
- SIXTY-THREE
- SIXTY-FOUR
- SIXTY-FIVE
- SIXTY-SIX
- SIXTY-SEVEN
- ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
- CLIMATE EMERGENCY
- Copyright
‘It’s like I told you about my dad lowering me down that hole in the ground. It’s like it was exciting at first, with Carl. He was so protective, and I really needed that. I think. I felt all grown up, you know? And it was fun, too, I guess. And then it wasn’t. Then it really wasn’t.’ Dana goes back to picking at the flap of tape on the biro. ‘It was like being in that well when I was seven. It was my seventh birthday – did I tell you that? Dad took me for a special big girl’s picnic in the garden. “It’ll be our secret,” he said. I was so happy at first, just me and him. And then he got the rope out of his bag and said we were going to play an adventure game. It was exciting at first, and I trusted him. But then something switched. He lowered me inside and I started asking him to stop, to take me back up. And he stopped listening to me. I couldn’t get out, not on my own, no matter how much I screamed.’ Dana has gotten through the tape and is cracking needles of plastic from the broken end of the pen. ‘Carl’s a bit like that. And you know those times in your dreams when you’re screaming but no noise will come out? And you’re scared you’ve lost your voice completely but then you realise it’s not that, it’s that you’re falling down a well or something, and falling so fast that your mouth is packed full of air and you can’t…’
She stops. Stops like her words have hit the bottom of that well and are lying there, heavy and broken.
I want to get off the bed and go to her and stop the tears on her cheeks. I know I should do it, but the words are lying on me as well. Heavy on top of the anger and confusion of coping with it. Fallen on the dead ground of knowing how to act. I feel completely useless in my anger, unable to see past it.
And even if I wasn’t angry, what does Dana expect me to do about it? She saw what happened when Carl caught me just talking to her. She had a front-row seat. I don’t know why she’s telling me this.
I don’t even move as she gets up and leaves. I just listen as she bangs down the stairs, listen to Mum’s surprised call of ‘goodbye’ after her, listen as her footsteps in the long puddle of the outside world quickly unhook and fade away.
At the window, the gutter is still dripping. I count: one, two, three…
TWENTY-TWO
TWENTY TWO