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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

‘And you coming out with that line a few weeks back about… about ‘us’ and ‘them’, and how what happened to your dad somehow means that—’

‘Don’t talk about him, please.’ I have to really concentrate to stop my voice from cracking.

‘Who? Your dad? Why?’

‘I just … I don’t want to think about him with all of … all of this …’

‘All of what, Josh?’ There’s a pause; the silence getting louder the longer it lasts. ‘Look, I know what you mean. And I know I’ve hardly been a model parent since he died.’

I hear Mum swallow, hard. It’s the first time I’ve heard her use those last two words.

‘But I need to know what this is. I want to help. You’re not you at the moment, Josh. You’ve turned into somebody else. And it seems that that bruise on your cheek was the starting point.’

‘I fell up the stairs.’

‘I know you did, love. But the beer that keeps disappearing from the shed, and the vodka gone from the cabinet, your late-night stints on your computer… And not to mention what happened with you and Jamie. All of those things. What’s going on?’

I can’t look at Mum. If I take my eyes off of the square inch of carpet between my feet the world will end.

‘Are you angry? God knows you’ve got a right to be angry, Josh. With me, with your dad, with—’

I interrupt. I want her to stop speaking. ‘Why would I be angry with Dad? It’s not his fault,’ I ask, because I also want so much for her to carry on.

‘No, it’s not. It’s no one’s fault but the person that did it, Josh. Some small-minded fool who was brainwashed and … I don’t know what else. But I’ve been angry at your dad since it happened.’

‘Why?’ I think again about Dad’s tree, about that final leaf, about my dreams.

‘For not being here. For dying. For leaving me, us, on our own. I’m still angry with him. Helplessly angry, sometimes.’

‘But you can’t blame Dad for—’

‘I don’t blame him. Of course I don’t. But I’m still angry. Angry that he won’t come back. That he’s gone forever.’ Tears are streaming down Mum’s face, falling from her chin into her lap. But her voice doesn’t falter, and she’s looking straight at me. ‘And what makes me angriest is that I can’t do anything with that anger.’

‘But why not?’ I speak through gritted teeth. ‘Why can’t you do something? No one else is doing anything, and we should be out in the streets demanding—’