I start walking towards the station, still wet but perfectly comfortable.

My thoughts always go back to Lucas.

I examine my feelings about him. There’s something different there. Something new. I’m almost at the station by the time I admit to myself that the word for it is almost certainly guilt. But it’s not his guilt.

Every time I see Lucas, I say something mean to him. Ariel has seen me do it. I remember the look on her face when I said fuck off to him. She was surprised and disappointed.

Was I awful to him?

Was I a bully?

I put on my headphones. I only have Different Class on me, but that’s fine. I know every word of that album.

Lara is knitting a blue thing today, and she puts it down and moves her stuff so I can sit next to her.

‘Joe!’ she says. ‘I thought I’d scared you off. Oh my God, I’m glad you came back.’

‘Sorry I didn’t come before,’ I say. ‘I needed to think. Guess what, Lara? I found out that my mum’s not in India! She’s in Reading.’

She laughs. ‘Easy mistake.’

‘I know. I feel such an idiot. I just filled in the blanks and got it wrong.’

‘Oh, darling.’

‘I knew I didn’t see Mum today, and I think over the years it all stretched to make me feel I hadn’t seen her for ages and I developed a story for that. I took the fact that she wasn’t there, and that she was retraining as a yoga teacher, and made up a scenario where she was doing yoga in India. And in fact –’

‘In fact, she’s doing yoga in Reading?’

‘Yeah. She’s only away Monday to Friday, and only this week. Sucks that it’s always Thursday.’

‘Doesn’t it? Are you getting off this train at Reading then?’

‘Yep.’

She smiles broadly and pats my arm. ‘You’re going to find your mum!’ She looks genuinely delighted. I beam back.

‘I got the address of where she is. Some place called the Yoga Dojo.’

‘Yoga Dojo? Someone’s a bit confused.’

‘I’m glad it has a silly name because it’s easy to remember when you reset. So we have two and a bit hours until we get there, don’t we? Right. Ariel looked you up. Most importantly, if you’re going for traditional colours you had it right last time.’ I nod at her knitting and wait for her to realize what I’m saying.

‘I should be knitting in pink? The baby’s a girl?’

‘Mabel Lara Billingham. She’s going to be born on Monday, June the seventh.’

‘Her due date! How perfect. And they gave her my name.’