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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I see the light of Kingfisher Court ahead of me and I don’t dare look away, terrified that if I do, it will disappear in a puff of smoke and I’ll be back on that sofa in the bookshop with Deborah, Dev and Esen staring at me. One, two, three more strides and I’m there. I reach for the door handle, the stainless steel cool and smooth against my fingers as I curl them around it and hold on in case I give into the pull in my stomach, like a fish hook tugging me up, up.

Mercifully, I don’t need my keys to open the door, my other hand shaking as I plug in the security code.

Before I can stop her, Dev follows me in through the doors and I spin round to face her, my hands balled into fists at my sides. ‘Leave me alone,’ I warn, my voice far calmer than I feel.

If she’s intimidated, she shows no sign of it, but at least she knows better than to reach for my sleeve again.

‘Please, Ash,’ she says, as though she’s pleading with a surly toddler. ‘Just come back to the bookshop with me. You’ll be safe there.’

I’m safe here.

I’m home.

I turn away, heading for the stairwell. I realise that she’s followed when I hear her footsteps behind me as I run up the stairs, two at a time. My legs are shaking so much that I don’t know how I make it up them without falling, but I do. One flight. Then another and another until I’m on the sixth floor.

Usually, I’d be out of breath by now, my heart throbbing in my ears, but I don’t feel a thing as I turn on to the gangway. It’s partially open here, the doors to each flat in a neat row on one side and a chest-high wall looking out across the estate on the other. It’s so cold that I don’t expect to see Dorito, but there he is, sitting on Miss Larson’s doormat, his thick tail swishing back and forth. He yowls at me as I pass and lifts his little chin, no doubt waiting for a scratch between the ears, but I can’t stop. I need to get home and away from Dev, who is still behind me.

I stop so suddenly, she almost goes into the back of me.

She takes a step back when I spin round to face her. ‘Will you stop following me.’

I’m nearly at my front door and she needs to go. Now. What am I going to say to my parents? They’re going to be pissed off enough about the fact that I’ve been missing for the last three – actually, probably nearer four – hours, but how am I going to explain Dev?