BooksBarbecue
Back Afterlove Save as PDF
Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

My heart doesn’t just quicken at the thought, it bangs, each heartbeat like a bullet leaving a gun. So hard that I’m sure my ribs are going to break, that my heart’s going to come straight through them and land at my feet. I press my hand to my chest and tell myself to calm down as I get on the 1A and head up to the top deck.

I usually sit at the back, but the King Seat is free – the one at the front that Rosh and I used to love sitting in when we were kids because we could pretend that we were driving the bus – and I settle by the window, putting on my headphones. I take my phone out of the pocket of my leather jacket to search for Death Cab for Cutie, the band Poppy was just telling me about. As soon as the song starts playing, it’s just her and me again, even though the bus is full and there are dozens of people milling around on the street below, heading to the pub to meet friends after work or into Morrisons to grab something for dinner.

When the lead singer starts singing about following someone into the dark, I can’t help but think of Poppy and the deep, deep ache her absence has left. I want to get off the bus at the next stop, run back to the Old Steine to see if she’s still there. But then I think about the promise of tomorrow – and I tell myself that I can wait. I wonder if she’ll taste like the cake I had on my thirteenth birthday, like the last time I remember being this happy.

My phone buzzes in my hand, making my jump.

It’s Adara, of course.

‘You OK, Ash? Where are you?’

‘On the bus home,’ I whisper so she knows I can’t talk. ‘But I’m good, Ad. Better than good.’

‘OK. Tell me about it on the way to school tomorrow. Can’t wait! Meet me outside the mini-mart, yeah?’

‘See you there.’

As soon as I hang up, it buzzes again, and I think it’s her, unable to wait until tomorrow, but it’s a WhatsApp from Poppy.

I shouldn’t have waited. I should have just kissed you.

images

Despite my best efforts to be cool, as soon as I meet Adara outside the mini-mart the next morning, I tell her everything. I try to slow down because I can hear myself and I sound delirious, like I have a fever or something, but I can’t, all of it spilling out of me in a breathless rush that makes Adara’s eyes get wider and wider. I tell her about sitting at the Pavilion, about Poppy’s famous mother and how she’s decided where she wants to kiss me.