BooksBarbecue
Back Afterlove Save as PDF
Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I kick something and oh God. There’s something there. Under the water. Then I’m flailing, losing control of my arms and legs, as though they’re no longer under my command, my body surrendering to it.

Letting it pull me under.

‘Ash, it’s me,’ she says and I can tell that she’s trying not to laugh. ‘You’re kicking me.’

‘Oh, shit. Sorry,’ I gasp, water getting in my mouth as I do.

Then her hands are on my waist, lifting me so my shoulders break the surface and I gasp again.

‘Bend your knees,’ she tells me. When I do, she says, ‘Now kick your legs. Slowly. Slowly.’

I do as she says, smaller kicks that don’t make the water splash around us so much.

‘Now move your arms.’

‘How?’ I ask desperately.

I’ve only just mastered kicking.

‘Side to side. That’s it,’ she says when I start doing it. ‘Slowly. Slowly.’

Slowly.

Slowly.

‘There,’ she says with a proud smile. ‘You’re doing it.’

‘Am I?’ I laugh. ‘Am I swimming?’

‘Well,’ she says, her nose wrinkling. ‘You’re not drowning.’

I laugh again, watching as her arms gently swish from side to side, copying her.

It’s only then that I realise that she’s not holding on to me any more.

‘Shit,’ I gasp, almost going under again, but then she points up.

I lift my chin, and there it is: the moon, flat against the midnight sky. The sky suddenly clear – no clouds, no seagulls, nothing – as if to give us an uninterrupted view. I blink the water from my eyelashes so I can get a better look, and while we can’t see the underneath of it, this is as close to it as I’ve ever been.

Suddenly, everything is still and we stay like that for a while, faces tilted up.

Then I feel her hands on my face as she reaches for me. ‘Thank you.’

She presses her mouth to mine and when she pulls back to look at me, I can’t feel my heart, but I can feel something else. Something deep, deep in my bones that makes me wonder if some part of me has always known her.

Always loved her.

If we’re made of the same star stuff, like Carl Sagan says.

‘Is it what you expected?’ I ask as she tips her head back and looks up at the moon with a slow smile.

‘It’s better.’