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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I don’t think about it until we get there, but it’s kind of nice, bookending the day with the beach. We have it to ourselves, the sea rushing up to greet us like an eager puppy as Poppy picks a spot that’s close enough to hear it – rather than the cars on the road behind us – but still far enough away that I don’t need to worry that it’s going to reach out and snatch us off the beach. I shoo away a seagull that pads over as if expecting to join us, then shrug off my jacket and lay it on the pebbles, gesturing for her to sit down first before I join her. She rests her head on her shoulder as soon as I do, then looks up at the sky, the moon hanging over us like a naked light bulb in an empty room.

‘There she is,’ she says with a blissful sigh.

When she tilts her face up towards it, the moonlight catches on her face. Her cheekbones. Her eyebrows. Down the smooth sweep of her nose, pooling at the tip in a dot that reminds me of the star map back at the bookshop.

She sighs again. ‘Say it, then.’

‘Say what?’

‘Say goodnight to the moon.’ She nudges me. ‘Didn’t you read that book as a kid?’

‘Of course.’

It was Rosh’s favourite.

‘My mum used to read it to me as a kid,’ Poppy says, reaching for my hand and squeezing it.

When she goes quiet, I know I should leave it, but there’s one more person she needs to speak to.

‘Speaking of your mum, you’ve spoken to her today, and your dad,’ I say carefully, hoping not to disturb the soap bubble around us. ‘But what about your grandmother? Have you spoken to her yet?’

Her face changes then and with that, the soap bubble bursts.

She doesn’t look at me. ‘She died.’

‘What?’ I pull away, frowning at her as I wait for her to look at me. ‘When?’

‘A couple days after you did.’

‘Poppy.’ Her hand is still in mine and I squeeze it tightly. ‘No.’

She looks away again, picking up a pebble with her other hand and sweeping her thumb over it.

‘I’m so sorry, Pop. I know you adored her.’

She nods sadly. ‘I did.’

‘Are you OK?’

‘It was just a lot, you know? I’d only just got the message from Adara on Insta telling me what had happened to you.’

So that’s how she found out.

I’ve been aching to ask her, but I didn’t want to make her think about it.

About how people are going to find out when she dies.