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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

We’re the only ones there, but I still look around, hoping no one heard. Poppy just laughs, though – that wild, bright laugh that it feels like I haven’t heard for years – and I no longer care because she’s happy.

Look how happy she is.

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I’ve never played golf – mini or otherwise – so I’m relieved to find that it isn’t that hard, even with the wind. The first couple of strokes are actually pretty easy, but by the time we reach the bridge, we begin to realise that Esen is just as competitive as Poppy is. Maybe more so.

‘This is too hard!’ she roars when the ball rolls back towards her a moment after she hits it. She tries again and when it does the same thing, she pounds the fake grass with the putter, her hair everywhere.

I’m not going to lie, if she wasn’t so pissed off and holding a golf club, I’d laugh.

Dev goes to help, telling her to calm down before we get kicked out. Esen does for a second, then they immediately start bickering about the logistics of putting the ball around the trunk of a fake palm tree.

‘It’s rigged!’ Esen hisses. ‘Like the 2p machines at the Pier. There’s magnets or something!’

‘There are no magnets, Ess.’ Dev rolls her eyes. ‘You’re just shit.’

Esen thumps the fake grass with her putter again and I don’t know if it’s frustration or an attempt to dislodge the magnets preventing her from getting the ball over the bridge, but it makes Poppy laugh.

‘So, mini golf,’ I say, watching Esen as she bends down to snatch the golf ball and threatens to lob it into the sea. ‘Of all the things you could have done today, why mini golf ?’

‘I don’t know.’ She shrugs, smiling to herself as she watches Dev and Esen. ‘I was thinking about the last time I was happy.’ She turns her cheek, smiling at me this time. ‘New Year’s Eve, with you.’ She wrinkles her nose and kisses me quickly on the mouth. ‘Then before that the last time I was happy, really happy, was my eleventh birthday.’

‘Yeah?’

‘My dad and I got the little train from Black Rock station.’ She stops to thumb over her shoulder then points ahead. ‘To the Pier. We played on all the 2p machines, the ones with the magnets, then spent our winnings on candyfloss and ice cream then got the train here and played mini golf. It was the best day. Honestly. I had so much fun.’

She sighs sadly and I know now why she wanted to come here.

This is how she’s going to say goodbye to her father.

‘Sounds nice,’ I say, reaching for her hand, and I swear I shiver when our palms touch.

Or maybe that’s her.