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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

Some part of us knows that, apparently. Knows that is where we came from and we long to return. I used to think that within Poppy there was a series of locked doors that, if she let me, I’d spend the rest of my life trying to open. But now that I look at her, I know Carl Sagan is right. She has the cosmos within her. I can see it, trying to free itself from the confines of her ribs and out, out through her skin. I can see the stars at the ends of her hair, tugging her towards the sky.

Back to where she belongs.

It’s already happening. She’s already going, being called back to settle in some corner of the sky where she can she can shine as brightly as she wants without worrying that she’ll burn out too soon, like she has now.

‘Did you find out what’s going on?’ she asks eagerly when I get to where she is on top of the picnic bench.

I should tell her, I know. But I don’t want to tell her here, in the street, in the same place someone just died.

I have to eventually but, for now, I just want to stand in her light for a moment.

‘How come you were in there for so long, then?’ she asks, with a frown this time.

‘She gave me a bollocking for going AWOL.’

‘Yeah?’ Esen says with a keen smile, suddenly at my side.

I roll my eyes with a theatrical sigh. ‘Thought you had a reap?’

She nods at Poppy. ‘Couldn’t leave her, could I? I asked Danica to do Toby Powell.’

‘Thanks,’ I say, softening as I realise that it didn’t occur to me that she’d stay with Poppy.

‘So Deborah give you a bollocking, then?’ She smirks, obviously hoping that she did.

‘Of course. I told you she would.’

But when I look at Poppy again, she suddenly looks furious. ‘Why are you doing this, Ash?’

I blink at her. ‘Doing what?’

‘Acting like you have no idea what’s going on.’

‘I don’t,’ I tell her with an exaggerated frown as I take a step back and fuss over the collar of my jacket.

‘You do!’ She looks between Esen and I, even more angry now. ‘You both do! You’re grim reapers!’

I shake my head at her.

‘You know that the only reason I can see you, Ash, is because I’m going to die.’

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No.

That’s all I can think.

No.

No, this isn’t happening.

No, I can’t do this.

No, I can’t tell her.