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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

I should laugh, but I wonder if she saw me talking to Poppy, which is why she hasn’t checked on me until now. I want to grab her by the shoulders and tell her everything, let it all spill out of me in a crazed rush that makes my hands shake and the back of my neck burn. But I know what she’ll say. She’ll tell me to calm down, to be careful, that I don’t even know this girl. So I don’t say anything, just smile back at her, because I want to relish this moment of hope a little longer, savour it while whatever happens next still holds all the promise of a fresh notebook.

Adara must have seen us talking, though. She’s going to ask me about Poppy, so I’m grateful when a couple of girls from our class approach to ask if we’re going into town. They’ve obviously decided to take advantage of finishing early as well so tag along as we head to the bus stop.

I don’t remember waiting for the bus or even getting on it, just that I’m there, on the top deck, listening to them complain about how boring the trip was. I can hear Adara reminding them that the world is burning, but they’re more concerned about how they’re going to get booze for Mo’s party tonight. Adara’s right, as always, but then so are they – visiting a wind farm isn’t how most sixteen year olds want to spend a Friday afternoon. I mean, meeting Poppy there is hardly a story for the grandkids, is it?

There I go again, getting ahead of myself. I can’t help it, though. This feels different. I know I say that every time, but it really does.

This could be something.

We could be something.

I unlock my phone to check that Poppy’s number is still there and not something my brain conjured in an attempt to give us a happy ending. I bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling when I see that it is and I fix my gaze on it, as though if I look away, it may disappear and be gone for ever. The thought makes me want to message her even more as I stare at it so hard the numbers eventually melt together and for one terrible moment, I think it really has disappeared. I can hear my heart in my ears again as I blink furiously – once, twice, three times, four – until finally the screen refocuses and her number is back.