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Chapters (86)
  1. Title Page
  2. CONTENTS
  3. Love
  4. Before
  5. One
  6. ONE
  7. Two
  8. TWO
  9. Three
  10. THREE
  11. Four
  12. FOUR
  13. Five
  14. FIVE
  15. Six
  16. SIX
  17. Seven
  18. SEVEN
  19. Eight
  20. EIGHT
  21. Nine
  22. NINE
  23. Ten
  24. TEN
  25. Eleven
  26. ELEVEN
  27. After
  28. One
  29. ONE
  30. Two
  31. TWO
  32. Three
  33. THREE
  34. Four
  35. FOUR
  36. Five
  37. FIVE
  38. Six
  39. SIX
  40. Seven
  41. SEVEN
  42. Eight
  43. EIGHT
  44. Nine
  45. NINE
  46. Ten
  47. TEN
  48. Eleven
  49. ELEVEN
  50. Twelve
  51. TWELVE
  52. Thirteen
  53. THIRTEEN
  54. Fourteen
  55. FOURTEEN
  56. Fifteen
  57. FIFTEEN
  58. Sixteen
  59. SIXTEEN
  60. Seventeen
  61. SEVENTEEN
  62. Eighteen
  63. EIGHTEEN
  64. Nineteen
  65. NINETEEN
  66. Twenty
  67. TWENTY
  68. Twenty-One
  69. TWENTY-ONE
  70. Twenty-Two
  71. TWENTY-TWO
  72. Twenty-Three
  73. TWENTY-THREE
  74. Twenty-Four
  75. TWENTY-FOUR
  76. Twenty-Five
  77. TWENTY-FIVE
  78. Twenty-Six
  79. TWENTY-SIX
  80. Twenty-Seven
  81. TWENTY-SEVEN
  82. Twenty-Eight
  83. TWENTY-EIGHT
  84. Eleven Months Later
  85. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  86. Copyright

She steps back to let me pass as I head into the hall and stop at the door to mine and Rosh’s room. It’s directly opposite our parents, which meant that we couldn’t get away with much as kids so I was constantly bribing her with sweets so she wouldn’t cry and alert them to something I’d done. But I kind of like it now, that my parents are right there. Always there. They aren’t the type to go to the pub or the cinema or out to dinner. I wish they would sometimes, because it might help them understand why I want to do these things with my friends, but aside from family functions, all they do is go to work, come home, eat dinner and go to bed. Saturdays are for chores – cleaning the flat, then the launderette, then ASDA – and Sundays are for church and homework.

I always know where they are and now I don’t, just that something is wrong.

Something is terribly, horribly wrong.

I wait a beat before pushing open the door to my room. I know I shouldn’t be surprised to find it empty as well, but every bit of me sags as I look at Rosh’s bed. There’s an open book on the floor, like a broken bird that has landed there and can’t move. I pick it up, blowing away the biscuit crumbs that have gathered in the spine. I consider folding over the top corner of the page so she doesn’t lose where she is, but I know Rosh hates that, so I close it carefully and graze my thumb across the cover.

‘The Amber Spyglass.’ I hold the book up to Esen, who is watching from the doorway like a vampire waiting to be invited in. She takes a step towards me and when I don’t object, she keeps going, standing in the middle of the room with her hands tucked into the pockets of her coat.

She tilts her head to look at the cover, then says, ‘I’ve not read them.’

‘Me either, but my little sister rereads them every Christmas,’ I tell her with a tender smile.

The Amber Spyglass is the last in the trilogy, I think, so Rosh was on course to finish by the end of the year.

Maybe she would have if I hadn’t fucked everything up tonight.

‘Rosh is the clever one.’

‘What’s your thing, then?’

‘Disappointing my parents, mainly.’

That makes Esen laugh – really laugh – her whole face changing. ‘I get that.’