BooksBarbecue
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Chapters (84)
  1. Chapter one
  2. Chapter two
  3. Chapter three
  4. Chapter four
  5. Chapter five
  6. Chapter six
  7. Chapter seven
  8. Chapter eight
  9. Chapter nine
  10. Chapter ten
  11. Chapter eleven
  12. Chapter twelve
  13. Chapter thirteen
  14. Chapter fourteen
  15. Chapter fifteen
  16. Chapter sixteen
  17. Chapter seventeen
  18. Chapter eighteen
  19. Chapter nineteen
  20. Chapter twenty
  21. Chapter twenty-one
  22. Chapter twenty-two
  23. Chapter twenty-three
  24. Chapter twenty-four
  25. Chapter twenty-five
  26. Chapter twenty-six
  27. Chapter twenty-seven
  28. Chapter twenty-eight
  29. Chapter twenty-nine
  30. Chapter thirty
  31. Chapter thirty-one
  32. Chapter thirty-two
  33. Chapter thirty-three
  34. Chapter thirty-four
  35. Chapter thirty-five
  36. Chapter thirty-six
  37. Chapter thirty-seven
  38. Chapter thirty-eight
  39. Chapter thirty-nine
  40. Chapter forty
  41. Chapter forty-one
  42. Chapter forty-two
  43. Chapter forty-three
  44. Chapter forty-four
  45. Chapter forty-five
  46. Chapter forty-six
  47. Chapter forty-seven
  48. Chapter forty-eight
  49. Chapter forty-nine
  50. Chapter fifty
  51. Chapter fifty-one
  52. Chapter fifty-two
  53. Chapter fifty-three
  54. Chapter fifty-four
  55. Chapter fifty-five
  56. Chapter fifty-six
  57. Chapter fifty-seven
  58. Chapter fifty-eight
  59. Chapter fifty-nine
  60. Chapter sixty
  61. Chapter sixty-one
  62. Chapter sixty-two
  63. Chapter sixty-three
  64. Chapter sixty-four
  65. Chapter sixty-five
  66. Chapter sixty-six
  67. Chapter sixty-seven
  68. Chapter sixty-eight
  69. Chapter sixty-nine
  70. Chapter seventy
  71. Chapter seventy-one
  72. Chapter seventy-two
  73. Chapter seventy-three
  74. Chapter seventy-four
  75. Chapter seventy-five
  76. Chapter seventy-six
  77. Chapter seventy-seven
  78. Chapter seventy-eight
  79. Chapter seventy-nine
  80. Chapter eighty
  81. Chapter eighty-one
  82. Chapter eighty-two
  83. Chapter eighty-three
  84. Chapter eighty-four

‘Is that all anyone thinks about me?’ I have to admit this is the one thing that is worrying me most. That and having to go to the toilet behind a bush. Lack of civilised sanitary facilities has always been one of my main reasons for eschewing the great outdoors.

Jake’s shoulders sag and he slumps into the chair. ‘Don’t do this,’ he says. ‘Please don’t do this.’

And for a moment, I nearly forget that I’m not supposed to love him anymore. I can’t stand this space, this void, between us. I look at his face and it is creased with concern. And, bizarrely, I think it’s concern for me. This is a man who up until the day he left lay with his arms around me while he slept—is that usually a sign of someone who has a mistress?

‘I feel this is all my fault,’ Jake says.

I feel it is all Jake’s fault too. ‘You washed your hands of me, Jake,’ I say flatly. ‘You left when I needed you most.’

Jake hangs his head.

‘You needed a change and you went for it without another thought.’ I was feeling really wobbly about this, but Jake’s concerns are only serving to make me determined to be positive. ‘It’s time for me to do the same. A complete change.’

Jake sits and doesn’t say anything. He looks into the middle distance and then turns and stares out of the window.

‘I have stuff to do, Jake,’ I say.

He sits forward in his seat and I think the circles round his eyes have darkened. ‘Let me take you to the airport.’

‘No. No way.’ I shake my head. ‘I wouldn’t even let Edie or Mum come. I’ve had enough emotional goodbyes recently.’

Jake stands and heads for the door. And it’s all I can do not to cry.

My heartbreakingly gorgeous ex-lover opens the door. ‘Lyssa, if you could turn back the clock, would you?’

‘To when?’ I ask lightly. ‘To last week? To pre-IVF days? To when you still loved me? To before I ever laid eyes on you?’

‘I hope this works out for you,’ Jake says sadly.

I can’t speak. It’s too risky.

‘I still care for you,’ he adds.

‘Go.’ ‘Go’ is the shortest complete sentence in the English language and it’s also the saddest.

Jake goes.