I find a crumpled tissue in my pocket and blow into it. Then I lower my voice, which is sort of pointless because then Edie can’t hear me. ‘Do you think she’s right about Jake?’

‘What? Turn that down!’

No one turns anything down.

I increase my volume accordingly. ‘Do you think she’s right about Jake?’

‘No,’ Edie says. ‘His eyes are perfectly spaced.’

‘Not that. Do you think he’s got someone else?’

‘Yes.’

‘You could have thought about it for a nanosecond.’

‘Men don’t leave if they haven’t got someone new to go to.’

‘This is not making me feel better.’

‘Face it, Lyssa. It’s not in their natures.’

‘Now you do sound like Mum.’

‘Would you rather I lied to you?’

My nephews disembark and start a fight behind the sofa. If I ever manage to have children I vow that they’ll be better behaved than Edie’s lot. They’ll like reading encyclopaedias and listening to classical music and will play instruments to concert standard and excel at art. I think my sister lost the upper hand after number four.

Sinking back into the chair, I let out a sigh. ‘No.’ My brain feels as if it is twice as big as my skull and with every beat of my heart it throbs. ‘What am I going to do?’

‘Why don’t you just drop the baby thing for a while?’

‘Why is everyone telling me to do that?’ I punch one of Edie’s cushions, making all the kids jump.

‘I think it’s become your main focus,’ Edie suggests in as kind a voice as she can manage—which is clearly meant to indicate that I’m self-centred and obsessive. ‘I’m not surprised Jake is fed up.’

I think packing your bag and leaving speaks of more than being ‘fed up’ but I say nothing.

‘Men don’t like competition,’ she continues, taking my silence as consent to further annihilate my life. ‘Particularly from small, pink people.’

‘How can you say that? You’ve got six children. Lee doesn’t see them as competition.’

‘And where is he now?’

He’s actually in his shed, where he always is.

‘You’d be surprised. He did at first. We had a lot of fights in the first few years. He’s worn down now,’ my sister says brightly. ‘With nowhere to run.’ She chuckles slightly maniacally. ‘What woman in her right mind would take on a bloke with six rugrats in tow? He’s stuck with us.’

‘And I adore you all,’ Lee says, sticking his head round the door with impeccable timing.

‘There is that too,’ Edie admits.

‘Where do you want this shelf?’

‘As if I care, Lee.’

‘Well don’t complain that it’s in the wrong place when I’ve finished.’ He ducks out of the door again.