I follow her inside and am greeted by the sight of a tearstained niece—Kelly, fourteen. Kelly is clearly in possession of one of those things that twists your hair into tight strands, as all her hair has been twisted by it. She’s very red in the face.

‘I hate you!’ she screams at Edie, before turning to me and calmly saying, ‘Hi, Aunty Lyssa.’

‘Hi.’

‘I hate you all! I hate living in this house!’ she continues at full volume. ‘I’m going to leave as soon as I can!’

‘Good,’ Edie says. ‘It looks like Aunty Lyssa needs your bedroom.’ She eyes my overnight bag.

Kelly stomps upstairs.

I follow Edie into the kitchen. ‘Where are the others?’

‘Archie’s asleep. And we’ve managed to fob the rest of them off on other more gullible parents for the afternoon. They’ll be back soon.’ She casts a glance at the mountain of potatoes in a pan on the hob and a towering heap of chicken pieces marinating in an unnaturally coloured sauce. At every mealtime Edie has to produce enough food to feed a battalion. The kitchen is run with all the efficiency of an army manoeuvre. My sister would have no idea how to cook for two. There are no salmon fillets and asparagus tips in this house. Food is fuel and every meal is designed to fill its recipient up to the gills as quickly and as economically as possible.

‘Let’s take advantage of this rare moment of calm, shall we? Tea or wine?’ she offers.

‘Wine.’ I plonk myself down at the table.

‘She’s rebelling,’ Edie informs me as she wanders over to her gargantuan, American-size refrigerator, which has mostly been obliterated by a host of yellow Post-it Notes on which are scribbled shopping lists, the time of various dental appointments and dancing lessons and other reminders to get her through her life. ‘I told her she can’t have a leopard tattooed on her boob.’ My sister roots in the depths of her fridge. ‘She hasn’t quite worked out that if she was really a rebel, she wouldn’t have asked me in the first place.’

‘Oh bless.’

‘She’ll thank me when she’s sixty and her tits are round her knees.’ Edie pulls out a bottle and finds some mugs to go with it.

‘And I suppose you mentioned this to her?’

‘Of course I did. I’m a mother.’