Chapters (77)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1
- 2
- A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
- 3
- The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
- 8
- 9
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
- 10
- 11
- 12
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
- 13
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
- 20
- 21
- 22
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
- 23
- 24
- 25
- A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
- 26
- 27
- 28
- A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
- 54
- A Note from the Author
- Index of Flowers and their Meanings
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Praise for This Time Will Be Different
- Books by Misa Sugiura
- Back Ad
- About the Publisher
“But, Mom, seriously? A big-data start-up? I mean, hello, have we met? I’m your daughter, CJ. The only person to ever fail out of coding camp.” It was a three-week day camp the summer after sixth grade; by the end of it, I couldn’t write the simplest program without constantly checking the help menu. My certificate of participation read, “CJ uses her time to the best of her ability!” I think we all know what that means.
“What have I told you about that word? It’s not a failure, it’s a learning opportunity. Growth mind-set, kiddo. Grit. Besides, this internship is a great, real-world way to practice growth mind-set and get hands-on experience developing a crucial skill set.”
I grit my teeth. Ladies and gentlemen, my mother, the buzzword machine.
“All I’m saying is that you need a purpose to drive you. I don’t want you to end up like Hannah, just drifting along.”
That jolts me out of my sulk. “Hannah’s not drifting. She runs the shop.”
“Believe me, CJ. She’s drifting.”
This is the problem with Mom. She spends her life going full throttle, guns blazing, after these ridiculously unattainable goals, and the rest of us look like we’re standing still by comparison. She will never believe that running a lowly flower shop, putting beauty into the world a little at a time, is worthwhile.
“Hannah’s happy,” I say. “Maybe I just want to be happy.”
“‘Happy’ is not going to get you into college, CJ. It’s not going to get you a career. ‘Happy’ comes from setting yourself a challenging goal and achieving it.”
“God, Mom, stop being so Asian,” I say, rolling my eyes. The Asian thing is a gamble, but it’s my last card. She hates being compared to the immigrant Asian community.
Mom’s eyes squinch shut as she lets loose a sort of strangled half scream through clenched teeth, though this doesn’t slow her down at all. “For Chrissakes, CJ! If you had any idea what my Asian colleagues are putting their kids through, you’d be thanking me for going so easy on you. Listen, kiddo. I love you. I want you to succeed. I’m concerned about your future. And you are not concerned enough.”
I am concerned, I want to say. What if I don’t find one of these all-important visions? What if I’m a failure for the rest of my life? But what comes out of my mouth is, “Okay, Mom. I got it. I’m a loser and a failure.”
“That’s not at all what I’m saying, CJ.”
I can hear the frustration in her voice, and I know that’s not what she’s saying, but it hurts too much to keep exploring all the ways in which I am not measuring up. I push back one more time. “Can we just not talk about this right now?”