BooksBarbecue
Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

At that word, “traitor,” Mom leaps up, shoving her chair back so hard it almost falls over. I swear I think she’s going to smack Hannah, and I brace myself, terrified, because my family is legit falling apart, but instead of lunging at each other, she and Hannah just stand there and stare at each other for a long, silent moment. A tear trickles down Hannah’s cheek. She wipes it away. Her face is contorted with grief and rage, and her lower lip is trembling. She turns her back on Mom and runs down the hall, sobbing audibly.

“How dare you!” Mom shouts after her. A door slams, but Mom keeps yelling. “Don’t you take the moral high ground with me! I loved him, too! He was my dad, too!” But there’s no answer.

Mom sinks back onto her chair, her hands covering her face, elbows propped up on her knees. I can see her back and shoulders move; she’s doing her stress breathing. In, out. In, out.

“Mom? You okay?”

She puts her finger up: Don’t bother me. She takes one more big breath, gets up, paces furiously around the room a couple of times, and stalks out. The door to her room opens and closes. A few minutes later, I hear the treadmill turn on.

Someone taps on my door. Mom pokes her head in, flushed and sweaty from rage-running on the treadmill. She’s still breathing hard. “Ceej,” she puffs, “don’t tell anyone about our conversation tonight. There’s no sale yet—it’s just a conversation. I’d like to keep it private for now, okay? Can I trust you?”

“I guess.”

“I’m sorry you had to see me and Hannah fight like that. I should have known she’d lose her shit—she gets so emotional about that goddamn store. I shouldn’t have brought it up with you there.”

Something in Mom’s voice, in her face, when she talks about Hannah losing her shit over “that goddamn store” gets to me. She’s so dismissive of it all—of the store, of Hannah’s love for it and everything it stands for. I’ve had my doubts about how much she really valued Heart’s Desire, but it’s only sinking in just now how truly worthless she thinks it is.

“It’s not nothing, you know,” I say.

But she misunderstands me. “Oh, don’t worry, kiddo. Hannah’s been mad at me before. She’ll get over it.”

I can’t believe it. And I’m not just stunned anymore. I’m angry. She can’t treat this like some sisterly spat, or like Hannah’s had a silly little tantrum. She can’t pretend that Heart’s Desire is just some stupid thing we should all “get over.”