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Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

Reflexively, I smile and say, “I’m good, how’re you?” and realize that Emily’s right. It’s hard to snub that kind of aggressive affability. Not only that, I find myself wanting her to like me, despite how little I like her.

Maybe it’s because Brynn—and Shane, actually—is a winner. Or perhaps more accurately, a #winner. Being a #winner is different from that old Mean Popular Kid cliché, which is super rare at McAllister. #Winners are popular, but they’re not shallow or mean or obsessed with clothes. They’re the kids who are accomplished and good-looking and nice to everyone. They live on planes of existence so stratospherically high and rarified, they’re practically divine. If you even care about them (a lot of kids don’t), the only thing you can hate about them is that they make you feel like a loser. Not actively—just by comparison, by the very fact of their existence. And they make you want their approval, despite how little you like them, which is a hateful quality.

Brynn’s friendliness is so expansive that I experience a jolt of panicky certainty that she’s going to fake-hug me, but then she flings her arms around Shane and cries, “Hey, what’s up?” She releases him and adds, “Dude, I just scored the sweetest parking spot! Check it—right across the street!” She points.

“Sick.” Shane nods his approval, and they exchange high fives because #winning.

Brynn turns to me now and says, “Hey, CJ. You’re still good friends with Emily Baxter, right? Don’t her parents own this place?” The plastic in her voice is still there, but I pick up a slightly obsequious tone this time. Usually the next question that people ask when this happens is, “Could you hook me up with some free muffins?”

“Um, yeah, they’re the owners.” I prepare myself to tell Brynn that I can’t hook her up with free anything.

“Is she here?” Brynn looks around the dining room, and out of the same old reflexive agreeableness, I almost tell Brynn that I can go get her, but something stops me. I realize with pleasure that I’m feeling possessive and protective of Emily right now, and that’s giving me a backbone.

“She’s working in back. She’ll be too busy to talk, though. She’s not even allowed to talk to me when she’s working.” Which is total BS—I often go in back and chat with Em while she’s working—but Brynn doesn’t need to know that. I shrug. “Sorry. Why do you need to see her?”

“Oh, no real reason. I’m actually here to ask her parents if I can put this up in the window.” She presents me with a flyer. “I figured I’d say hi to her if she was around.”