Chapters (77)
- Cover
- Dedication
- 1
- 2
- A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
- 3
- The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
- 8
- 9
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
- 10
- 11
- 12
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
- 13
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
- 14
- 15
- 16
- 17
- 18
- 19
- The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
- 20
- 21
- 22
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
- 23
- 24
- 25
- A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
- 26
- 27
- 28
- A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
- 29
- 30
- 31
- 32
- 33
- 34
- 35
- 36
- A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
- 37
- 38
- 39
- 40
- 41
- 42
- 43
- 44
- A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
- 45
- 46
- 47
- 48
- 49
- 50
- 51
- 52
- 53
- The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
- 54
- A Note from the Author
- Index of Flowers and their Meanings
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Praise for This Time Will Be Different
- Books by Misa Sugiura
- Back Ad
- About the Publisher
The only happy thing that I can think of is how we rocked the school board presentation. I hesitate at first—partly because she’s not supposed to know about it, and partly because I’d rather wallow in my misery—but eventually I tell Hannah all about it, and by the time I’m finished, Hannah is beaming at me, and I do feel better.
“I’m so proud of you, Ceej,” she says.
“Yeah, I’m proud of me, too, actually,” I reply. Then I ask her something that’s been plaguing me ever since the meeting ended. “Do you think I should tell Mom? Do you think she’d be proud of me, or mad and, like, disappointed?”
Hannah shakes her head. “That is an excellent question. I know this is a cop-out answer, but I think she’d be a little of both.”
It’s a sad question, really. “The first time I do something she might be proud of, and I’m afraid to tell her about it.”
“Oh, love. She’s already proud of you. She’s your mother,” Hannah protests.
“No, Hannah. I don’t get great grades. I’m not a great athlete. I don’t do music or computers or art or theater or anything.” I’m aware of how pathetic I sound, but it’s like I’m on a greased slide—once I start down it, I just keep slipping downward, no matter how hard I work to stay up.
“You do great work at Heart’s Desire. You should be proud of that.”
“I know. I am. But Mom isn’t— Come on, Hannah, it’s true. Name one thing I’ve done in my whole life that Mom’s proud of.”
I watch Hannah search for something she can say that won’t break me.
“Your mother is one of the smartest, most talented people I know, sweet pea. She expects everyone to be as driven as she is.”
That’s not an answer. “One thing, Hannah. Or just tell me, honestly. Is she proud of me?”
“She believes in you.”
I knew it. “So that’s a no. She’s not proud of me. Say it, Hannah.”
Hannah stands up, puts her hands on her hips and turns in a slow circle, taking in the view of the hills around us. “Ceej. I know it’s tough to have Mimi Katsuyama as your mom. But you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself about it.”
“Damn, Hannah,” I say. “That was . . . uncharacteristically harsh.”
Hannah shrugs. “I mean, she’s not proud of me, either—not in the same way she would be if I were more like her. But I’m not going to change, and moping about it isn’t going to change anything, either.”