BooksBarbecue
Back This Time Will Be Different Save as PDF
Chapters (77)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part I
  6. 3
  7. The History of My Beef with Brynn Foer-Preston
  8. 4
  9. 5
  10. 6
  11. 7
  12. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part I
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part I
  16. 10
  17. 11
  18. 12
  19. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part II
  20. 13
  21. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part II
  22. 14
  23. 15
  24. 16
  25. 17
  26. 18
  27. 19
  28. The Complicated History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Imaginary Relationship with Her Nonexistent Dad
  29. 20
  30. 21
  31. 22
  32. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part III
  33. 23
  34. 24
  35. 25
  36. A Brief, Backward History of the McAllister Family, as Paraphrased from the San Jose Mercury News
  37. 26
  38. 27
  39. 28
  40. A Quick and Eerily Relevant History of Asians in America
  41. 29
  42. 30
  43. 31
  44. 32
  45. 33
  46. 34
  47. 35
  48. 36
  49. A Brief History of Chisaki Joan Katsuyama’s Romantic Learning Opportunities, Part IV
  50. 37
  51. 38
  52. 39
  53. 40
  54. 41
  55. 42
  56. 43
  57. 44
  58. A Series of Screw-ups: The Chisaki Joan Katsuyama Story, Part II (Or Maybe It’s a Prequel)
  59. 45
  60. 46
  61. 47
  62. 48
  63. 49
  64. 50
  65. 51
  66. 52
  67. 53
  68. The History of the Katsuyama Family, Part III
  69. 54
  70. A Note from the Author
  71. Index of Flowers and their Meanings
  72. Acknowledgments
  73. About the Author
  74. Praise for This Time Will Be Different
  75. Books by Misa Sugiura
  76. Back Ad
  77. About the Publisher

It shouldn’t matter. I should be happy for her. But I’m trying to dig myself out of this weird sense of double betrayal: If it was supposed to be just friends at first, why didn’t she invite me? Is that who she’s here with at this party? Why is she here with them instead of me?

I know. I know. I know I got invited anyway. I didn’t invite her, either. Maybe she even knew I’d be here.

“CJ? You’ve had this thing about Brynn ever since eighth grade. I know it’s because she was shitty to me, and I appreciate that, but you’ve gotten a little out of control lately.” Emily’s got this condescending, kind-but-firm thing going on in her eyes, and that condescension changes everything. I stop feeling hurt and start feeling angry.

Angry at Brynn for manipulating Emily. Angry at Emily for skipping blithely into disaster after all I’ve done to keep her out of it, for running off with her fancy new friends as if our friendship doesn’t matter. Because why should it matter being compared to Brynn for President, future leader of the free world, and her posse of #winners?

It’s time she knew the truth. Then she’ll see who her real friends are. “Do you even know why Brynn broke up with you in eighth grade? Did she even tell you?”

“She did tell me, Ceej. She didn’t want to break up with me. She was afraid of her parents, and she freaked out. She apologized for the way she handled it, and I’m okay with that. It’s really hard to stand up to your parents about being queer.”

“Yeah, I know she freaked out. But did you know that Brynn tried to get me to turn against you in eighth grade? She asked me in front of everyone if I was afraid to be friends with you. I could have pretended to be afraid. But I didn’t. Because we were friends.”

This gets her. Emily fires back at me. “Shut up, Ceej. Telling people that you’re friends with a queer kid is nothing like telling people you’re queer. It’s not even close. You’re just jealous of Brynn because you hate everyone more successful than you, and you can’t see that the only reason you’re not doing better is because you don’t even try. And now you’re jealous of me because I have a great, amazing girlfriend and all you’ve ever had is a couple of lame, shallow relationships with guys you don’t even really like. Oh—except the one nice guy you keep refusing to go out with because you’re too afraid to risk another failure. And now it’s too late, but that’s your own fault.”