In light of what Stephanie’s told me, I start to wonder how many other people are embroiled the way James is, in an immoral, illegal business that they’re too frightened to blow the whistle on. I wonder if Andrew’s got wind of what’s going on, too, not that he’d care. He isn’t a doctor out of compassion for other people. It’s for the aura of authority and integrity that accompanies his title – his cloak of infallibility – and the fact that his words carry more weight than other people’s. It astonishes me how, even now, so many people don’t question their doctors, even though doctors are human, as capable of making mistakes as anyone else.

I keep thinking about James, still regretting my promise to Stephanie. It isn’t right that the police don’t know about his so-called business venture.

But I keep my word. Two days before the funeral, I go back to work, reporting early in the morning for a flight to Barcelona. The flight is busy and I don’t get time to look out of the window until much later, by which time we’re flying over the south of France. The cloud carpeting the landscape as we left the UK is far behind us and I view the snow-capped Pyrenees from the small window in the forward door before the land flattens out to meet the sea.

As we start our descent into the city, I make a final check of the cabin and by the time I return to my view, we’re low enough to make out buildings and the network of streets bathed in winter sun.

After landing, I find myself hankering for another life as I study the rows of faces in front of me, imagining lives so very different from mine, unencumbered by an abusive marriage and the knowledge of a murdered teenager. As the last of the passengers disembarks, I’m gripped by an urge to make an excuse to follow them to the terminal building, imagining myself merging into the crowd of thousands before disappearing from everything I know. I come close – for a moment believing I really could do it – but then I think of Niamh.

The reality check causes my mood to slump. Life is too bound by my responsibilities – as a member of the cabin crew required to get this flight home, as Niamh’s mother, and now, in light of what’s happened to Hollie and what Stephanie has told me, by the additional burden of secrets.

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