‘Is she a doctor too?’

Tom shook his head. ‘Lawyer. Well, law student then. Now a solicitor.’

‘Jesus.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘You really did just step out of a Lexus commercial, didn’t you?’

He laughed.

I looked down at the table, something cold against the base of my skull. A thought, an itch.

‘Where did you want to go?’ I picked up my tobacco, opening the pouch. ‘Backpacking?’

He shrugged. ‘Everywhere. I shouldn’t complain; Soph and I, we went places. Fiji. The States for a wedding, Tokyo for a week. Ticking things off lists. She liked those nice pre-packaged tours.’ He sighed. ‘I wanted to do more. I wanted to actually get to know places. Live in them, you know?’

He was looking at me like he wanted an answer, but I couldn’t speak. My chest hurt and my eyes felt hot. I hoped he couldn’t tell.

‘Did you know,’ I began in response, taking a breath, trying to stop it shaking, ‘that every train station in Tokyo has its own jingle?’

He smiled. ‘I did. It was in the hotel guidebook.’ He studied me for a second. ‘Have you been there?’

I shook my head. ‘I haven’t really been anywhere. I just read it somewhere.’

I touched a filter to my lip twice so I wouldn’t have to say any more, flicked out a paper and pulled at a tuft of tobacco. Smoking might kill me but this ritual—the filter and the paper and the tobacco, the pulling and nudging and rolling, licking and pressing and the final inspection, tapping my index finger on the end—it had saved me so many times it might be worth it.

‘Do you still want to?’ I asked, as I reached for my lighter. ‘Travel, I mean?’

Tom hesitated then picked up his beer, finished it. Our eyes met. ‘I don’t know. I put it on the backburner years ago and I haven’t really thought about it since.’

‘You could.’ I didn’t know if I was talking to him or to someone else.

‘I know,’ he said, gesturing to my empty glass without looking away. ‘Another?’

I nodded. ‘Yeah,’ I said, not looking away either. ‘Thanks.’

When he came back from the bar he slid into the seat like we were old friends. We talked about terrible TV shows and movies we wanted to see and where we grew up. He had a younger sister who’d just had a baby, and he showed me pictures and it felt nice, warm and normal.