My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest and I was sure I was shaking. ‘Before the accident, I—’ My words trembled. I had to pause just to steady them. ‘I never let myself get close to anyone. Anything. I never let myself want anything. Anyone. Love anyone.’ My face felt hot. My bones felt hot. I felt raw, naked, exposed, completely real. Whole.

‘I pretended to,’ I went on. ‘I dated all these impossible arseholes but I would never get attached, so I would never get hurt. I told myself I was just being careful. Sensible. I told myself I didn’t need anyone. But I was just scared. I’m still scared.’ Somewhere, far away, I could hear a wave breaking onto a beach, the wind through a tree. ‘I don’t want to be careful anymore. I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to be that person anymore. And … and I’m not.’

You changed.

‘And I am.’ I exhaled, not sure what I was saying. ‘I’m different now, but this is still me. I’m still scared. Maybe I always will be. This is me. But I just want …’

Life. Everything.

The birds started, again.

‘Cait?’

I felt something graze my fingers, and when I looked down his hand was there, touching mine, asking me something.

‘Tom.’ I wrapped my fingers around his. Answering.

I looked up. He still wasn’t smiling but he was so close. So beautiful. I knew everything, finally.

And nothing.

‘Tom,’ I said again. ‘If—when, when I get to New York, can I send you a postcard?’

He blinked, surprised. His eyes fixed on me and there was something behind them I couldn’t read, and I couldn’t breathe, and then he shook his head.

I frowned, ready to argue.

‘Not if I go with you.’

‘Do you want to?’ My heart was thundering in my chest and I was surprised I could speak at all.

His face broke open and he smiled, all the way, dimple and everything. He tugged on my hand, pulling me closer. ‘I do.’

‘Are you sure?’ My voice cracked. ‘This might be a really terrible idea.’ Shaking.

‘It might.’

‘And you want to do it anyway?’

He hesitated, gave the slightest nod. ‘Do you?’

I found his eyes. Real. So real. Achingly real. Worth it. ‘Yeah. Yes.’ Made a choice. ‘I want to do everything.’

‘Caitlin,’ he exhaled. ‘I—’

‘What?’ I asked, too fast. My chest was so tight. Terrified. Something else.

He laughed. ‘Will you just let me say it this time? Please?’

Something good. I nodded, waited.

He took a breath. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ I said.