Chapters (75)
- Cover
- Praise
- About the Author
- Title Page
- Intoroduction
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EITHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- SIXTY-ONE
- SIXTY-TWO
- SIXTY-THREE
- SIXTY-FOUR
- SIXTY-FIVE
- SIXTY-SIX
- SIXTY-SEVEN
- ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
- CLIMATE EMERGENCY
- Copyright
I don’t know where a lot of the night has gone. It’s almost eleven o’clock and I’m sitting on Jamie’s sofa talking to someone. The music is still on but it’s quieter, or it seems quieter, and I’m shouting. Maybe that’s why the music seems quieter.
I’m shouting at someone and they’re laughing at me. Or with me. And it’s Dana.
It’s Dana Leigh from school, the one from school who looks at me and I usually don’t look at because she scares me a bit and is always being called to Mrs Clarke’s office. Dana who stopped wearing her school jumper a year ago and who now wears a jacket instead, and ankle boots. Dana who’s wearing an expensive bracelet on her wrist that I keep grabbing and saying ‘wow’. Dana who’s rumoured to have a boyfriend who’s left school already and picks her up some lunchtimes in his car. She’s got a full face of make-up on, even more than Mum used to wear when she wore make-up to work. Her eyelashes are huge. And I’m shouting at her and she’s laughing. And I’m shouting and doing an impression of Mr White, the Maths teacher, and she’s laughing. And I’m laughing, and we’ve both got beers – not the ones I brought, there must have been more after all – and we’re laughing and she puts her hand on my arm because she says she might fall over because she’s laughing, even though we’re sitting down she says she might fall over. And I laugh. And then all I can hear is me laughing because the music’s stopped.
And when I realise the music has stopped, I stop laughing.
In the doorway there’s a man. And I mean a man – not a teenager or even someone a bit older but a man. There’s a layer of short stubble all around his head – his buzz-cut skull the same as his unshaven chin. He’s wearing a white shirt, buttoned to the neck, black jeans, military boots. He’s standing there with his hand on the top of the doorframe, leaning in. He’s standing there and he’s looking at me. And he’s not happy.
‘Comfortable?’ he says. I feel Dana’s grip on my arm tighten as the man walks into the room. Everything around him seems to shrink back as he passes.
‘Carl, I…’
‘Shut up. Go and get in the car.’
‘Carl, leave him. It’s OK. We were just talking.’ She lets go of my arm.
‘I said shut up, you little slut. Think I don’t know where you went? Easy enough to find a kids’ party.’
I stand up, a little unsteady. ‘Hey, I don’t think you should—’