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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

The door is ajar when I arrive. Dana is leaning against a wall, shivering, her coat zipped and buttoned up to the throat, her hands deep inside her sleeves. It’s a tense walk, darting along pavements, turning at every engine we hear. On top of this, there’s a cold stiffness to her that doesn’t thaw out until we get to my house and I place a cup of tea between her palms. She keeps her coat on, huddled over the curls of steam.

‘Do you want a bath?’

Dana’s flashes me an accusatory look. ‘What do you mean?’

‘To warm up. Did you think I—’

‘I don’t like baths.’ She cuts me off. ‘Why would I want to float around in my own dirt?’

‘Just thought it’d warm you up. Sorry.’

I go and fuss around in the kitchen, pull a couple of pizzas out of the freezer and rummage through the fridge for the bag of salad Mum had described in detail. Twice.

A few minutes later, Dana comes in. There’s a bit more pink in her cheeks, and her lips have lost their blue tinge. She taps her fingernails against her empty tea cup.

‘Want another one?’

‘No, thanks. Can I have a shower, please? You’re right. It’ll warm me up.’

I get fresh towels from the airing cupboard and show her where the power cord for the hot water is, then go back downstairs to turn the oven on and put the pizzas in. As I pass the door to the lounge, a sweep of headlights arcs through the front window as a car pulls into the driveway. I hear a door open and close, but the engine is still running. I recognise the deep, throaty grumble it makes.

Then comes the knock at the door.

I can’t pretend I’m not home; there’s lights on all over the house, and probably steam rising from the bathroom window that faces onto the front garden.

‘Josh, I can see you by the stairs!’ Alan’s voice confirms that I can’t hide.

When I open the door, Alan is struggling to conceal his worry.

‘Is she here?’

‘Who?’

‘Dana. Fuck, Josh, who else would I be running around town for on a Friday night?’ He’s trying to make jokes, but he keeps twitching his head back over his shoulder to the car.

‘No. Why would she be here?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe because we’ve tried everywhere else. And Carl has this strange feeling that you know something.’

As if on cue, the driver’s door opens. Carl is a silhouette behind the glare of his headlights, but no less terrifying for it. ‘Is she here?’

‘No,’ Alan and I say in unison.

‘Fucking liar. Who’s upstairs?’

‘My mum, in the shower.’

‘Where’s her car then?’