BooksBarbecue
Back Grow
Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

Carl’s keeping Dana at arm’s length, she says. She’s finding it hard to talk to him, and can’t work out what things are in place, and which aren’t. He only sees her at her house, turning up late at night, unannounced. I think that’s why she just wants to sit, or lie, and be quiet when we’re together. A short time after the hand-holding, she starts falling asleep leaning into my shoulder.

I feel like we’re in stasis, as if time’s been put on pause for a while. For the last few weeks of January, even the teachers ease off a bit about exam preparation. Whether or not they’re as exhausted as we are, or whether they’re easing off now ready for a big push after half term I don’t know, but it feels like everywhere there is one long inhalation of breath.

And, to tell the truth, I’m enjoying it. All this time with Dana, not worrying about what’s coming – almost avoiding it on purpose. We call each other over to every new bud or shoot that we find in the garden, both trying to spot the first new thing – tiny as it may be – when we open the wooden door at the end of almost every day after school.

Mum thinks I’m revising in the library.

In a way, maybe I am.

But at the back of my mind, and Dana’s, we know it can’t last.

It’s the supposedly ‘poetic’ part of Carl’s plan that this ‘act of love’ for his country will happen on Valentine’s Day, so we’re both aware that we don’t have much time. Despite that, we need the police to see exactly what’s going on when they make their move. Too early, and there’ll be no evidence. Too late, and…

I can’t think about that.

*

Alan and Vince stalk the corridors at school like hyenas. They catch my eye from time to time, but we’re all sworn to avoid contact. It’s only on Thursdays that I see them. I can’t find an excuse not to go back to that classroom each week, and my heart pounds in my chest for the full hour as I sit at the back and try to work through the textbook. I have to keep everything as normal as possible. On the outside at least. Mostly I just stare at the words, none of them registering, and make a quick exit as soon as I can. To avoid being followed, I make random circuits of the school buildings before walking home.