Dana can tell that I’ve stopped, picks at the grass between her heels, doesn’t turn. ‘But you. For some reason I feel comfortable with you. Talking to you. And you can still get out of this, no matter what he’s said. I know he’s pushed the right buttons with you. He did with me, in the beginning, started talking to me about my dad leaving and how angry I must be and—’

‘It’s not the same though, is it?’ I’m sorry for my flash of anger as soon as it’s released. I take it out on the earth, picking up the fork again and ramming it into the ground. My stitched hand starts to sting.

Dana whirls round to look at me now. ‘For fuck’s sake, Josh. You don’t have some kind of trump card on absent fathers, you know. It’s really shit that your dad died, and how he died is awful. I get it. We all do. But it doesn’t mean that the rest of us without dads can’t feel anything too. You had a funeral for your dad. There’s probably a place you can go where he’s buried or whatever, to remember him. I’ve got none of that. Just a hole cut out of my life that I’m not allowed to speak about. Just an empty space. No one to bury. No one to mourn.’

‘But didn’t he put you down a well?’

‘I’m not saying he was a good man. Dangling a seven-year-old down a deep hole on a scraggy old rope might sum him up pretty well, and I’m not saying I was as lucky as you were to have loads of memories of him, kindness and love or whatever. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt that he’s gone. And that he’s probably got a new family now and replaced me.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘Surely he taught you about this stuff, your dad? About being … it sounds stupid saying it, but about being good. Just by how he was with you? Do you really think he’d be proud of what you’re getting into now?’

‘You don’t know anything about my dad.’

‘No, you’re right, I don’t. So ask yourself that question. What would he do in your shoes?’

I look down. I’ve speared a worm on one prong of the fork. Something in me enjoys the way it curls and winds, writhing in a basic kind of agony.