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Chapters (75)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. About the Author
  4. Title Page
  5. Intoroduction
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EITHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. SIXTEEN
  22. SEVENTEEN
  23. EIGHTEEN
  24. NINETEEN
  25. TWENTY
  26. TWENTY-ONE
  27. TWENTY-TWO
  28. TWENTY-THREE
  29. TWENTY-FOUR
  30. TWENTY-FIVE
  31. TWENTY-SIX
  32. TWENTY-SEVEN
  33. TWENTY-EIGHT
  34. TWENTY-NINE
  35. THIRTY
  36. THIRTY-ONE
  37. THIRTY-TWO
  38. THIRTY-THREE
  39. THIRTY-FOUR
  40. THIRTY-FIVE
  41. THIRTY-SIX
  42. THIRTY-SEVEN
  43. THIRTY-EIGHT
  44. THIRTY-NINE
  45. FORTY
  46. FORTY-ONE
  47. FORTY-TWO
  48. FORTY-THREE
  49. FORTY-FOUR
  50. FORTY-FIVE
  51. FORTY-SIX
  52. FORTY-SEVEN
  53. FORTY-EIGHT
  54. FORTY-NINE
  55. FIFTY
  56. FIFTY-ONE
  57. FIFTY-TWO
  58. FIFTY-THREE
  59. FIFTY-FOUR
  60. FIFTY-FIVE
  61. FIFTY-SIX
  62. FIFTY-SEVEN
  63. FIFTY-EIGHT
  64. FIFTY-NINE
  65. SIXTY
  66. SIXTY-ONE
  67. SIXTY-TWO
  68. SIXTY-THREE
  69. SIXTY-FOUR
  70. SIXTY-FIVE
  71. SIXTY-SIX
  72. SIXTY-SEVEN
  73. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  74. CLIMATE EMERGENCY
  75. Copyright

‘Here.’ Alan takes a bottle of water from the footwell, opens it for me. I drink in large gulps, each one seeming to bring new life back into my numbed arm and, with it, more pain. ‘Easy. Go slow. Small sips, yeah?’

Alan has a roll of kitchen towel and he’s wrapping my hand slowly, making wide circles around the wounds. He’s almost tender.

‘Don’t get blood on my seats.’ Carl’s eyes are slits in the rear-view mirror.

‘He did it though, Bro. Didn’t he? Smashed that window right up. Did you see that old bint’s face? Priceless!’

‘Yeah. I saw.’ Carl is quiet for a moment. Alan continues to wrap my hand, slightly tighter now. In the stark white light I see the faintest crimson blush appear on the top layer of paper towel. He admires his handiwork and lays my hand back in my lap.

Carl continues. ‘You did alright, soldier. How do you feel?’

‘Like shit.’

‘It’ll pass. Listen. I want you to know I don’t do these things lightly. Martin has reservations, and when your superiors give orders, you follow them, right?’

I’d almost forgotten about Martin.

‘Told you he was a good soldier,’ Alan adds. I’m not sure whether he’s talking about me or Carl.

‘I’m proud of you, son.’ Hearing that word from Carl’s mouth is like another wound opening. The pain is electric. ‘I’m sorry I said those things about your dad, too. You are doing something to honour him.’ He turns in his seat, facing me. ‘When I was in, y’know in the army, it felt like a family to me. The first one I’d really known. And when … what happened, happened, they were all taken from me. So I know what it’s like. The Lions can be your new family, Josh. They’re my new family. We can look after you, get you through this, make you feel like you again.’

I already have a family, is what I want to say. But I can only nod.

‘I don’t tell many people this, but I was the reconnaissance guy on that mission. It was me who was supposed to spot those IEDs, recognise the tricks those bastards were using. But I didn’t. I failed.’

Next to me, Alan seems to shiver, almost as if he’s willing Carl to stop talking.