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Back Going Under Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART I BIRTH
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EIGHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. PART II LIFE
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. TWENTY-ONE
  28. TWENTY-TWO
  29. TWENTY-THREE
  30. TWENTY-FOUR
  31. TWENTY-FIVE
  32. TWENTY-SIX
  33. TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. TWENTY-NINE
  36. THIRTY
  37. THIRTY-ONE
  38. THIRTY-TWO
  39. THIRTY-THREE
  40. THIRTY-FOUR
  41. PART III DEATH
  42. THIRTY-FIVE
  43. THIRTY-SIX
  44. THIRTY-SEVEN
  45. THIRTY-EIGHT
  46. THIRTY-NINE
  47. FORTY
  48. FORTY-ONE
  49. FORTY-TWO
  50. FORTY-THREE
  51. FORTY-FOUR
  52. FORTY-FIVE
  53. FORTY-SIX
  54. FORTY-SEVEN
  55. FORTY-EIGHT
  56. FORTY-NINE
  57. FIFTY
  58. FIFTY-ONE
  59. FIFTY-TWO
  60. FIFTY-THREE
  61. FIFTY-FOUR
  62. FIFTY-FIVE
  63. FIFTY-SIX
  64. FIFTY-SEVEN
  65. FIFTY-EIGHT
  66. FIFTY-NINE
  67. SIXTY
  68. EPILOGUE
  69. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  70. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘We survived,’ Max says before we retire to our beds. ‘It was touch and go for a while there, but we survived.’

I raise my last vodka and orange. Cheers to survival.

Doctors worry constantly about patients surviving. We fear death and suffering and blame. Our own survival seems unimportant by comparison. The doctor saves the child, or doesn’t. Who saves the doctor?

These questions are hard to answer, and my brain is tired. On my last night in Wingabby, I dream of a horse eating an orange. The horse is alive and the orange is ripe. I wake up to the sun rising and hear Estelle in the shower, getting ready to take one of the only two taxis in Wingabby to the airport.

We have orange juice for breakfast. Survival tastes sweet.

TWENTY-FIVE

twenty-five

Winnie is shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Max, you are so bad!’

Max looks sheepish. ‘Did I tell you I came top of the remedial drivers’ course, though?’ he says.

We’re back at number 19, having coffee with Winnie in the kitchen before work. We’d kept in touch with her from Wingabby, and while Max had kept quiet about his misadventures I’d happily spilled the beans.

When Max produces his remedial drivers’ certificate, Winnie loses the plot and laughs so hard I worry she’ll aspirate.

‘It’s good to have you both home,’ she says when she has regained the power of speech.

‘Yeah, but Kitty’s flying to Sweden the day after tomorrow,’ Max reminds her.

‘I know,’ Winnie says, looking jealous. ‘I wish I was going to Sweden, instead of being stuck here arguing with the neighbours about who owns which bin.’

Max and I leave the house together and walk to the front entrance of the hospital, where we stop for a second, prolonging the inevitable.

‘I almost envy that guy, you know,’ Max says wistfully, looking at the homeless man who’s asleep at the bus stop, wrapped in a quilt. ‘He looks so peaceful.’

After Wingabby, which was largely populated by white farmers, I am much more aware of the diversity of the city. The area around the hospital is a good example. While it’s in a very well-to-do beachside paradise, it also has its seedy sections, populated by homeless people and backpackers hanging out in old pubs with saltwater-stained windows. I admit to myself that I have missed the place a tiny bit.

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The feeling passes almost immediately. The junior doctors who were away last term are hauled into reorientation by medical admin to remind us that while things may have been different in the country, we’re back in the centre of teaching hospital excellence and must behave as such.

Nicole, wearing yellow and looking like a voluptuous buttercup, starts with a friendly welcome which quickly turns into a disciplinary ear-bashing.

I get a text from the Godfather.

You know what this is about right?

I reply in the negative.