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Back Going Under Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART I BIRTH
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EIGHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. PART II LIFE
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. TWENTY-ONE
  28. TWENTY-TWO
  29. TWENTY-THREE
  30. TWENTY-FOUR
  31. TWENTY-FIVE
  32. TWENTY-SIX
  33. TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. TWENTY-NINE
  36. THIRTY
  37. THIRTY-ONE
  38. THIRTY-TWO
  39. THIRTY-THREE
  40. THIRTY-FOUR
  41. PART III DEATH
  42. THIRTY-FIVE
  43. THIRTY-SIX
  44. THIRTY-SEVEN
  45. THIRTY-EIGHT
  46. THIRTY-NINE
  47. FORTY
  48. FORTY-ONE
  49. FORTY-TWO
  50. FORTY-THREE
  51. FORTY-FOUR
  52. FORTY-FIVE
  53. FORTY-SIX
  54. FORTY-SEVEN
  55. FORTY-EIGHT
  56. FORTY-NINE
  57. FIFTY
  58. FIFTY-ONE
  59. FIFTY-TWO
  60. FIFTY-THREE
  61. FIFTY-FOUR
  62. FIFTY-FIVE
  63. FIFTY-SIX
  64. FIFTY-SEVEN
  65. FIFTY-EIGHT
  66. FIFTY-NINE
  67. SIXTY
  68. EPILOGUE
  69. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  70. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘We meet outside the hospital at eight in the morning,’ he says. ‘We will all go to the conference together. You have your notes?’

‘Yes, of course.’

I flee the operating theatre and almost run back to the hotel bar.

There I pull my laptop out of my bag to review the points I’m going to make. I have rewritten the paper so many times and made so many summaries, I don’t feel overly nervous. Wolfgang doesn’t seem too worried either, which is reassuring.

The barman catches my eye. ‘Would you like another drink, perhaps some food?’

I throw caution to the wind and order another red wine, and a huge bowl of meat and dumplings.

‘This is good Swedish food,’ he tells me as I start to devour the enormous plate in front of me. ‘You’ll sleep well after this.’

I’m yawning even before I finish the meal. I think of Estelle and her experiments with wine and sedatives, and resolve to tell her the magic trifecta: temazepam, pinot and Swedish dumplings.

TWENTY-EIGHT

twenty-eight

‘You have done very well,’ Wolfgang whispers to me the next morning as I stand beside my poster, explaining the best new immunotherapy techniques for treating recurrent glioblastoma multiforme. ‘I’m impressed.’ The poster presentation is much more congenial than I’d feared. I’d had horrifying visions of me standing on a big stage as surgeons rapid-fire interrogated me. Instead, I just parked myself next to my poster between two other posters, and people have been milling around, asking questions and being surprisingly pleasant.

Tomas appears with three cups of black coffee, grinning. ‘Well done, Kitty!’ he says. ‘You have answered all the questions so confidently.’

To be fair, I haven’t been asked that many questions about the poster. Everyone seems far more interested in the fact I’m from Australia. Most of the questions are about sharks and Bondi Beach.

The Swedish approach to medical training is vastly different from the Australian one, I’m finding. Even though they’re just as keen to spend hours in theatre, probably even more so, they seem less prone to asking mean questions and teaching by humiliation. When I describe life on the ward with the Joker and the Smiling Assassin, Tomas shakes his blond head in exquisite Scandinavian confusion.

‘But, Kitty, you are so clever,’ he says. ‘You will be such a wonderful surgeon. I don’t understand why you are not more encouraged.’

‘Maybe your friend the Joker is not having enough sex,’ Wolfgang suggests.

I smile, well aware that Wolfgang was having plenty of sex during his time in Australia.

‘Who is having enough sex?’ Tomas says, looking amused. ‘I know I’m not.’

‘Oh, me neither,’ I agree.

We all grin.

I am overwhelmed with warm feelings I find difficult to recognise, particularly while standing inside a hospital. I am really starting to appreciate the Scandinavian approach to surgical life.