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Back Going Under Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART I BIRTH
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EIGHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. PART II LIFE
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. TWENTY-ONE
  28. TWENTY-TWO
  29. TWENTY-THREE
  30. TWENTY-FOUR
  31. TWENTY-FIVE
  32. TWENTY-SIX
  33. TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. TWENTY-NINE
  36. THIRTY
  37. THIRTY-ONE
  38. THIRTY-TWO
  39. THIRTY-THREE
  40. THIRTY-FOUR
  41. PART III DEATH
  42. THIRTY-FIVE
  43. THIRTY-SIX
  44. THIRTY-SEVEN
  45. THIRTY-EIGHT
  46. THIRTY-NINE
  47. FORTY
  48. FORTY-ONE
  49. FORTY-TWO
  50. FORTY-THREE
  51. FORTY-FOUR
  52. FORTY-FIVE
  53. FORTY-SIX
  54. FORTY-SEVEN
  55. FORTY-EIGHT
  56. FORTY-NINE
  57. FIFTY
  58. FIFTY-ONE
  59. FIFTY-TWO
  60. FIFTY-THREE
  61. FIFTY-FOUR
  62. FIFTY-FIVE
  63. FIFTY-SIX
  64. FIFTY-SEVEN
  65. FIFTY-EIGHT
  66. FIFTY-NINE
  67. SIXTY
  68. EPILOGUE
  69. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  70. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I wonder if I should go and talk to the Smiling Assassin. But as soon as the thought enters my mind, I reject it. She’s probably loaded up on so many different psych meds she’s completely out of it. And even if she wasn’t, I’d be the last person she’d want to see. I don’t want to make things any worse for her and I don’t have anything really constructive to say. Clearly she hasn’t said anything to anyone about the Joker, as he is still very much employed, and I don’t want to force her into exposing her private life, which she obviously wants to keep hidden.

I wonder if I could take some sick leave. Or move to another hospital. That’s probably my best option, I think as I pull off my scrub shirt. There’s no point in getting all upset and carrying on; I need to be pragmatic and think logically.

I’ve seen better days, I think as I zip up my bag and head out of the theatre change rooms to go home. I’ve definitely seen better days.

FIFTY-ONE

fifty-one

On the weekend, for the first time in a month, I make the long drive home to see my parents. It isn’t the bravest of moves, but I just don’t know where else to turn.

My parents left Sydney many years earlier and live down the coast on a small farm. It’s very peaceful there. When I look out at the green hills and the blue sky my mind is always calmed.

I tell my parents everything. I expect them to be shocked, but they’re not. I guess after twenty-nine years there’s nothing I can do that would surprise them.

‘Look, in the end,’ Mum says, ‘even though you’re an intern and they’re surgeons, you’re all just people. Jack Prince is just a person. And the Joker is just another dickhead in the workplace, like a dickhead in any workplace.’

The difference, of course, is the added complication of trying to heal people who are sick and dying, but all that really does is tack on another layer of stress. She’s right. The principles are the same as in any workplace.

‘I’d just keep your head down for a while and see what happens,’ Dad says, taking his usual slightly conservative approach, which is ironic considering he has such a wayward daughter.

‘It’s like a Greek tragedy,’ Mum muses. ‘You’ve got all the elements.’

We both smile despite ourselves.

‘Actually, darling, I bought you something,’ Mum says, standing up. ‘A book.’

Of course it is. Most gifts exchanged in our family are books. ‘Is it a good read?’ I ask.