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Back Going Under Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART I BIRTH
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EIGHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. PART II LIFE
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. TWENTY-ONE
  28. TWENTY-TWO
  29. TWENTY-THREE
  30. TWENTY-FOUR
  31. TWENTY-FIVE
  32. TWENTY-SIX
  33. TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. TWENTY-NINE
  36. THIRTY
  37. THIRTY-ONE
  38. THIRTY-TWO
  39. THIRTY-THREE
  40. THIRTY-FOUR
  41. PART III DEATH
  42. THIRTY-FIVE
  43. THIRTY-SIX
  44. THIRTY-SEVEN
  45. THIRTY-EIGHT
  46. THIRTY-NINE
  47. FORTY
  48. FORTY-ONE
  49. FORTY-TWO
  50. FORTY-THREE
  51. FORTY-FOUR
  52. FORTY-FIVE
  53. FORTY-SIX
  54. FORTY-SEVEN
  55. FORTY-EIGHT
  56. FORTY-NINE
  57. FIFTY
  58. FIFTY-ONE
  59. FIFTY-TWO
  60. FIFTY-THREE
  61. FIFTY-FOUR
  62. FIFTY-FIVE
  63. FIFTY-SIX
  64. FIFTY-SEVEN
  65. FIFTY-EIGHT
  66. FIFTY-NINE
  67. SIXTY
  68. EPILOGUE
  69. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  70. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I remember the morning I woke my housemates up, screaming from my nightmare, with Max’s concerned face gazing down at me. Sometimes I see him on the ward at work, when he thinks no one is watching, sitting on the edge of some old patient’s bed, having a laugh with them. Max wants to be a surgeon, but he possesses human qualities that I rarely see in the hospital. I secretly think that a low-range drink-driving charge, compared with the changes surgical training will inflict upon his soul, is the least kind of assault that could take place on his character. Max is only a very junior doctor like me, but I fear the years won’t be good to him. He thinks the worst that can happen is that he misses out on his training place or annoys the wrong consultant. I silently worry that he will be chewed up and spat out by a system that doesn’t care much for loveable larrikins.

‘Give your mum a ring and tell her what happened,’ I suggest. ‘I think it’ll make you feel better.’

To my surprise, he doesn’t argue. He looks relieved.

When he reappears on the front porch ten minutes later, he’s a new man.

‘She told me the same thing happened to her when she was my age!’ he crows. ‘I knew I got it from her!’

It turns out that Max’s conservative, successful, terrifying businesswoman mother has made her share of mistakes.

Well, haven’t we all?

TWENTY-ONE

twenty-one

After our wild Wingabby weekend I think I will be glad to get back to the hospital. Then I’m called in to work the Monday night shift in emergency even though I’ve been at work since 7 am, and I start to wish I was still at the police station.

‘You know what they call this area?’ one of the consultant emergency doctors asks me as we sit in the emergency department, watching the list of patients waiting on the computer grow longer, then longer again.

I refrain from uttering one of the many less-than-positive answers that float through my mind. It’s nearly midnight and I’m dog-tired. ‘What do they call it?’

‘The killing fields,’ he says, staring wistfully into the distance, looking as if he’s thinking of other, more appealing times and places. ‘They call this hospital and its surrounds the killing fields.’

I believe him. Even if the patients aren’t actively dying in front of us, it feels as though death is always stalking the corridors.

A twenty-three-year-old man-boy walks into the department an hour later after being kicked by his mother’s horse.

‘Fucking animal,’ he says loudly as I examine his wrist. ‘Fucking piece of shit, that horse. As soon as I’m out of here I’m going home to shoot it.’

I prod his scaphoid bone harder than necessary.

‘OWWW! Fuck!’ He glares at me. ‘Take it easy!’