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Back Going Under Save as PDF
Chapters (70)
  1. COVER PAGE
  2. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  3. DEDICATION
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART I BIRTH
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. FIVE
  11. SIX
  12. SEVEN
  13. EIGHT
  14. NINE
  15. TEN
  16. ELEVEN
  17. TWELVE
  18. THIRTEEN
  19. FOURTEEN
  20. FIFTEEN
  21. PART II LIFE
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. TWENTY-ONE
  28. TWENTY-TWO
  29. TWENTY-THREE
  30. TWENTY-FOUR
  31. TWENTY-FIVE
  32. TWENTY-SIX
  33. TWENTY-SEVEN
  34. TWENTY-EIGHT
  35. TWENTY-NINE
  36. THIRTY
  37. THIRTY-ONE
  38. THIRTY-TWO
  39. THIRTY-THREE
  40. THIRTY-FOUR
  41. PART III DEATH
  42. THIRTY-FIVE
  43. THIRTY-SIX
  44. THIRTY-SEVEN
  45. THIRTY-EIGHT
  46. THIRTY-NINE
  47. FORTY
  48. FORTY-ONE
  49. FORTY-TWO
  50. FORTY-THREE
  51. FORTY-FOUR
  52. FORTY-FIVE
  53. FORTY-SIX
  54. FORTY-SEVEN
  55. FORTY-EIGHT
  56. FORTY-NINE
  57. FIFTY
  58. FIFTY-ONE
  59. FIFTY-TWO
  60. FIFTY-THREE
  61. FIFTY-FOUR
  62. FIFTY-FIVE
  63. FIFTY-SIX
  64. FIFTY-SEVEN
  65. FIFTY-EIGHT
  66. FIFTY-NINE
  67. SIXTY
  68. EPILOGUE
  69. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  70. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

‘Where’s the usual registrar?’ I ask.

No one replies. I notice one of the nurse’s eyes tracking towards me, looking nervous.

The Joker totally ignores me. ‘Hand me the right equipment next time,’ he scolds the scrub nurse.

I wonder what’s going on. I’ve never not seen the Smiling Assassin in the operating theatre. Maybe she’s at the police station, I think optimistically, reporting the Joker for sex crimes against vulnerable junior female doctors!

‘Well, are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to do something useful?’ the Joker fires in my direction, looking angrier than usual.

I dutifully walk outside to the sink to start the tedious process of scrubbing in. The Smiling Assassin’s probably on sick leave, I think; the kind of stress she was under would give anyone an ulcer.

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It’s nearly 7 pm when the list ends. I walk straight from the operating theatre to the pub. I tell myself it’s okay to be drinking alone, as it’s been an extremely trying few weeks.

‘Kitty?’

Of all people, Nicole from admin is walking towards me. I wonder if I should pretend that I’m meeting someone. Boozing alone after work in my scrubs probably isn’t a great look. Fuck it, I decide. I don’t care anymore.

‘Are you by yourself? I’ve just come in to use the ATM. I’m having dinner over the road with some friends. Come and join us if you like.’

‘Nah, I’m all right. I just felt like a drink before I went home. Long week, you know?’ And it’s only Monday, I think …

Nicole sits down next to me, looking concerned. ‘Is this about the doctor?’

I’m not sure what she means. Does she know about Dr Prince? Lucas Lang? Is she testing me? Could she know something?

‘Which one?’ I ask, feeling slightly on edge.

‘The overdose …’ She sounds awkward.

‘Right … Yeah, I had heard.’

Nicole looks uncomfortable. ‘I’m really sorry. It must be hard for you.’

‘What? Why would it be hard for me?’

‘Kitty …’ She stops. ‘Don’t you know?’

‘Know what?’

Nicole’s eyes fill with concern. ‘It was your registrar. I thought somebody would have told you.’

For a moment, I just gape at her. And then it hits me. Sitting at the bar, with Nicole from admin being weirdly kind, I start to cry. My whole body is shaking and I can’t seem to stop it.

Nicole gets me to my feet and walks me home.

‘God, you live close to the hospital,’ she remarks as we turn into the front yard. ‘Must get a bit much sometimes.’