Which sense does a dying person tend to lose first?

Which gas is also known as laughing gas?

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Arse decides to keep the child. The hospitals etc will not deal with her, considering the whole narrative to be outside the borders, conventions and interests of medicinal science. So Tiffany is midwife, adviser, doctor, partner. They are living on the breadline, the borderline somewhere between the 70’s and the 90’s, late Twentieth Century.

And in due time the child is born.

Healthy. Perfect. Gorgeous.

They call her:

Winter.

Because that is the season in which she is born. And that, they hope, will be her temperament.

*

It is a well known fact that there are more snakes than ladders in the great game of life.

Things go well and then disaster strikes.

Soldiers come in the Spring. Part of the continual skirmishing which afflicts such borders in space and time. They kill Tiffany and Winter. Just a paragraph in the late news – more problems in the border zone, two dead. A bullet goes in Arse but of course like a few other of the gods she is immortal. Bloody sheets.

Clichéd tears for things that are impermanent. The sorrow of the long haul. Survivor despair.

Arse packs her stuff – a few books, a few photographs. God-stuff. The rest she gives away. The flat she douses and burns. Earthly remains.

She goes back to Heaven.

*

Key questions:

Do you ever get a dream-like feeling towards life when it all seems unreal?

Do you openly and sincerely admire beauty in other people?

Are you up-to-date on current affairs?

What is the difference between New Labour and the other bloody lot?

Can you travel in time?

*

A welcome home party in the grounds of a fantastic castle made of clouds. Olympia doing what it does best – decadence, depravity. Arse talks to Mouth, Armpits and Tongue – old friends with lots of news to catch up on. Drunk on pleasure and Alcopops. She swaps them stories of Earth – her perils there and joys.

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Last question:

WHY IS MODERN LIFE RUBBISH?

Fill out your answer in not more than 500 words. Use black ink. Do not write on both sides of the paper. Do not swear.

The life, movies & short times of Natalie Gorgeous

The life, movies & short times of Natalie Gorgeous

Everyone knows that Natalie Gorgeous was born in Milan. But not everyone knows that her uncle owned a shoe factory and that her aunt once went to Venice in hope of being a model but came back broke and exhausted after a month.

The story of how Natalie was discovered – playing in a fountain in the Rue De Jules Verne is also well known. Natalie was seventeen, the man who found her was Varese Sarbande, an octogenarian film-producer who lived most of his life in hotels.

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