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Back Endland Save as PDF
Chapters (48)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Introduction
  4. Endland
  5. About Lisa
  6. Shame Of Shane
  7. Who would dream that truth was lies?
  8. Eve & Mary
  9. Chaikin/Twins
  10. James
  11. The Shell Garages History Of Mud
  12. Kelly
  13. Morton & Kermit
  14. Crash Family Robinson
  15. Wendy’s Daughter
  16. Void House
  17. Jonesey
  18. Killing Of Frank
  19. Arse on Earth
  20. The life, movies & short times of Natalie Gorgeous
  21. German Fokker
  22. Carmen by Bizet
  23. They get you most all gone when you always alone
  24. It is murky and opaque
  25. intentions seem good
  26. Cellar Story
  27. I thought I smelled something dirty
  28. Last of the First 11
  29. The Ant and The Grasshopper
  30. The Chapter
  31. Mission of Jobbin
  32. wanted to get a good look
  33. Taxi Driver
  34. Loose Promise
  35. The children of the rich
  36. The Waters Rising
  37. #Dibber
  38. Long Fainting/Try Saving Again
  39. BureauGrotesque
  40. Anger is Just Sadness Turned Inside Out
  41. Maxine
  42. For the Avoidance of Doubt
  43. now not moving
  44. A Note about Endland
  45. Acknowledgements
  46. Dear readers
  47. This book was made possible thanks to the support of:
  48. About the Author

Whether or not these stories bear any relation to life as it is actual lived in Endland (sic) is not my problem and good riddance to all those what prefer to read abt truly good, lucky and nice people – you won’t like this crap at all.

Bear in mind it is not a book for idiots or time-wasters but many of them are wrote about in it. But let no one deny that it is a good laugh to hear about all the various kinds of mischief, curfews, wickedness, pixilation, indolence, rent fraud, roadblocks and general fcuking Hoopla! that went on in that place back (?) when Xmas really meant something.

For the rest – concerning the bad language, bad luck and low habits of the persons described or abt any dubious morals that remain implied or alleged in these tales – I make no apologies and, like the poets say, ‘welcome to Endland’ ©, all dates are approximate.

They replaced the lens in one (1) eye and I am waiting for them to do a operation on the other. Everything is fine. I am not an invalid.

Pax Americana,

Death to unbelievers,

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About Lisa

About Lisa

a small bad story in twelve good parts

*

The boss at DAVE’S TOPLESS CHIP SHOP is called Harry Stannington. The shop is just a franchise and the real Dave is more of a marketing proposition than a proper person. Harry Stannington is a pathetic lying police informant who’s going to get his head kicked in and his tongue cut out, at least if you believe the graffiti which someone has sprayed up outside the shop.

*

Harry fancies a new girl that works in the CHIP SHOP who is called Lisa. Harry keeps asking her out but for at least a month she says no.

Lisa is basically an unlucky misery guts with a hidden gift for brilliant ideas.

Putting her top back on after work one day she finally caves in and agrees to go out with H. Stannington.

*

Lisa and H. Stannington go to the pictures. They have to walk thru something like a forest to get there only there seem to be cats stuck up in all the trees – yowling madly and miaoowing to get down.

When they get to the pictures Harry doesn’t like the film but pretends he does. Lisa also doesn’t like it but can’t be bothered to pretend.

*

It’s one of those films where the plot was just a flimsy excuse put together to justify a procession of different sentimental conversations – at hospital bedsides, on dusky beaches, in empty offices and at tearful breakfast tables.

That night Lisa’s sister gets murdered and Lisa blames herself – if she hadn’t gone out it would never have happened etc.

*