Chapters (38)
- Cover
- Also By Daniel Kraus
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Money
- Supermilk
- Bugs
- My Wiener
- Gwendolyn
- Midget
- Walgreen
- Dick Trickle
- Scrapbook
- Apples
- Dag
- Love
- My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
- Moms
- Phone Call
- Phone Call 2
- Punch
- Robbie
- Natural Light
- Flypaper
- Kyle
- Queen
- Fam
- Dragon
- Walgreen 2
- Dick Trickle 2
- Feast
- Shower
- Music
- The Fly
- My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
- Mrs F
- Ghosts
Dag puts on a rubber monster face almost as bad as Deformo. Dang, Dag! Take that scary junk off! Midgets hiding her frightened ass so I put on a discount Barack Obama head and go after little sister cuz this a good opportunity for education. Man, I love Barack Obama. Barack Obama is a straight up American hero. Dont tell anybody cuz theyd tease me but I like to think about Barack Obama being my dad. Like maybe he knew Moms before he got famous. Why the hell not? Some cool ass black dude with sharp ass robocop suits that talked super smooth and believed in my future and filled me with hope and change.
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I find Midge over by the cherry cough drops and lecture her how Barack Obama used to be the chief mightyducker of the whole US of A not to mention the stone cold robocop that killed the dude that did the twin towers. Little sister gets confused cuz usually Im lecturing her about the Two Towers from Lord of the Rings and now she probably thinks Barack Obama killed Sauron. Politics are mad complex.
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Nobody enjoys stank ass rubber tasting masks like Dag. Now shes a wolfman and then a devil and then an alien. Stuff is pricey, though. We add up our money and we dont have enough to even cover one mask, not if we get Robbie his candy. Dag chucks her mask on the floor with all the other masks she chucked. Midget starts cleaning them up but I yank her ass back. Hell, no. Dick Trickle can pick it up himself. Hes the one charging too much, aint he? For now though I keep wearing Barack Obama cuz it makes me feel good. Any terrorist I roll across is gonna get his ass wasted.
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Even though shes flinging masks Dag isnt upset for real and I know why. She has herself a secret costume shes been keeping secret. I been begging for clues for weeks but girlfriends skillful at keeping secrets. I bet shes constructing herself a princess thing or a fairy deal and is gonna show up tonight looking so fly Ill be like dang! There isnt hardly nothing Dag cant do. Ever since Lotte got her ass locked away Dags folks make her take lessons in every subject you can think of. She can tap dance like a mightyducker. Play the sharkweek out a some piano too. Shortys talented as hell!
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