Out here you better be armed. Inside Robbies crib it doesnt matter cuz youre protected on all sides like Helms Deep. No orcs are gonna breach that stronghold! Once I cracked that joke to Dag and she hit me playful like shorties do and so I think about saying it again. Then I remember my pinkeye. I cant be letting Dag touch me today even though itd be nice. So I fall back and forget about pumpkin bugs and Moms and all a that troublesome junk and just watch Dags red zipper coat go bobbing down the street toward the dozers like she owns this whole bitch. Its too bad she dont want my wiener cuz sometimes shes pretty as hell.

My Wiener

My Wiener

My wieners all right. The lookout boys near 10th and Dawson saw it last summer after this fool Cabin Boy tricked me into dropping my drawers at the honeys across the way. We were all gonna do it, least thats what Cabin Boy said, but when we got to the count a three no robocops dropped their drawers except me. Then Cabin Boy hopped around and laughed and pointed. I tried to play it like a pimp but he kept saying how my wiener was the size of a peanut. Dang! You cant throw shade on Jody like that! If Cabin Boy didnt have a hundred pounds on me plus that strap in his belt I woulda gone ape on that bitch! Instead I ended up all worried. What if one day Dag decides to hit it with me like Robbie hit it with Little Lamb and Dag finds out I got a peanut dick? So I went down to Pop Nates and got me a bag of shell peanuts and measured it out by the dumpster. And my junk was three times as big, yo! Still small next to Cabin Boy probably, but look, man, Im young. I havent had my growth spurt yet. You best watch your ass cuz one a these days my wiener will be living large and robocops will stop picking on me and girlies will be nice to me and finally everything will be all right.

Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn

Halfway to Walgreen Deformos way out a sight and we run across Gwendolyn. Shes the illest dog alive. She has this tangle ass, muddy ass fur that hangs from her belly and a crooked tail and usually shes limping with a hurt paw. Bitchs eyes are more pink and gooey than mine. This dog loves Dag cuz Dag feeds it. Every time we find the yucky mutt Dag pulls out some baggie full a Better Cheddars or Triscuits. Dags the one that gave it its dumb name too. Gwendolyn? For real? Id a called it Dracula cuz that bitchs been around forever and is still kicking.

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