I haven’t forgotten the Cocks & Balls painted on the driveway which were really realistic & the Human Feces wiped all over the garage & how they hung poor Frank Costanza the cat from the tree & the Fire Cocktail they fired into your bedroom by accident instead of mine bc I’m sure that was the Last Straw. I started this Very Long letter telling you everything’s fine but that’s a lie. Nothing’s better. Everyone’s still so Mad at me. When I go buy food people spit loogies on my legs.

I really messed things up didn’t I? I suppose I’m like the Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg which starts off saying Hadleyburg was the nicest town ever before one guy messed it all up. I should have written my Hadleyburg essay about myself. I never did what Mr. Toppen said & that’s On Me. He said stop writing “bc” bc life isn’t a text message but I told him “bc” looked like a battle axe & that I needed battle axes to hack my way through life. He also said stop using “&” but to me “&” is a symbol meaning Keep Going & Don’t Quit & Infinity & seeing it is like seeing I have a Future. Mr. Toppen & everyone else gave me bad grades & maybe that’s why I tried so hard at football & maybe that’s how all the Violence happened.

I really fucked up made mistakes Mom & Dad & I’m really sorry & don’t blame you I was LEFT BEHIND & I understand if you don’t want to come back until you’re forced to by the Lawsuit but I hope you come back before then & I’ll have the Ginsu Cutlery Set & Seinfeld mug & the clocks just like you left them. One day I hope me & you who I will call Mom & Dad & not To Whom It May Concern can laugh about the Good Times & the Hard Times together in our spacious above ground pool.

Your Loving Son,

Robbie

Bugs

Bugs

Robbie has a collection of clocks. I know it sounds like pussy stuff but dont hate on it till you hear me out. When his mom and pops took off to I dont know where and left behind Robbies sorry ass, all he had left was this house he grew up in and even though its crumbly now and everythings broke hes still got his pops legendary clock collection. Theres like fifty of those bitches. Ones a giant grandfather clock with a cabinet big enough to hide Midge. Theres cuckoo clocks with sheep dancing and birds singing and shorties carrying beers. Theres also clocks with Mickey Mouse and this dude Elvis and this black and white cat with moving eyes that dont tell anyone but freaks me out.

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