Sells for a buck seventeen a pop so cant everybody have one, you know? But to hell with it, I cant think with all this noise, so I show that mint chocolate treat to Robbie and say <Check it. I bet a razor blade would fit inside this bitch perfect if we did it sideways.>

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Robbie quits his head smacking and Dag sucks up her sniffles and Midge shuts up her squeaks. It happens fast like that. I hand over the Peppermint Pattie and the three a them look at me all grateful cuz I took a jacked up situation and fixed it. All right, yeah. Yeah. I feel a feeling I havent felt since I found a twenty spot Moms lost. Found that valuable bitch in the couch and I didnt keep it for myself and she hugged me strong. Dang. If I knew Id be feeling this tight for handing over a dang Peppermint Pattie Id be Johnny Appleseeding all our stolen candies across this whole great ass nation, forever and ever.

Dag

Dag

Monday and Wednesday and Saturday Dag has piano lessons and todays Saturday so shes got to go. Piano Ladys a trip. She laughs like a donkey. Shes got a haircut Dag calls pageboy but I call fugly. She dresses like a lumberjack and has big glasses and big jugs and a big ass too. Dag told me Piano Ladys a gay ass lesbian and I asked her how she knew that and Dag said she just knew. I disagreed but mainly cuz I was disappointed. Piano Ladys roundabout the same age as Robbie. I thought maybe them two could get together and have them some regular people sex and maybe go to the movies and whatnot.

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I met Piano Lady the only time I ever went to Dags crib. How it happened was first me and Dag were chilling at Robbies and Dag was fussing about why the people of Middle Earth didnt take out Mount Doom years ago cuz Rohan and Gondor were pretty much right next door. Its a good question and I was proud a my bitch. I ended up walking her ass home past the dozers cuz the answer took a ton of explaining. See, you have to account for geographical terrain like the Dead Marshes and the Ash Mountains and the Drúadan Forest. Natural locations like that slow your armies down and thats usually when your asses get jumped by wargs and fell beasts and crebain, bad mightyduckers like that.

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