When you do hear what we did, you won’t approve. I daresay you’ll be “acutely concerned.” Watch out, Lotte! Those doctors are turning you back into the robot girl you used to be. The robot girl I pretend to be. I hope one day, when we’re both locked up in different places, you’ll think of what I did, and why I did it, and who I am, and I hope truly and sincerely that you’ll feel pride.

If you don’t, well, whatever. I absorbed you a long time ago, just like The Glenn will absorb Yellow Street, just like “The Blob.” Remember that movie? It was a whole lot better than “Deadgirl,” “Antichrist,” and “Martyrs,” which I did watch but only made me feel sorry for you. Those movies are no fun at all. I have fun all the time. Don’t you wish you were me, ha ha ha?

The only thing not fun is writing this letter. Sorry, just being honest. Writing you is boooooooring. I guess I do it out of habit. Everyone does pointless things out of habit. Jody keeps trying to make his mom better. Robbie keeps reliving his past. The only habit Midge has is sticking with Jody, and Jody’s all right, but he’s not the role model she needs.

That’s why I’m going to try to bond with Midget before it happens, girl-to-girl. She’s just the right size to be my new Clara Bear McGrumpy, ha ha ha. I love Midget. She’s the only person I’ve ever known who’s never hurt anyone. You think it’s because she doesn’t talk? Maybe once you start talking in life, all the rotten evil way down safe inside you (example: the things I’d like to do to Mrs. Rivers, Mr. Homewood, and Ms. Tubb) begins leaking from your mouth like second-hand smoke and soon everyone around you gets cancer.

I was your little sister, Lotte, and I liked it for a while. I really did. But I’m the older sister now, and I’m going to be a better one than you. That’s a bitchy thing to say, but that’s what I love about Jody and the gang. Everyone in the world is awful, including Mama, Papa, you, and me. The difference is, over on Yellow Street you don’t have to hide it.

Happy Halloween.

Dag

My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King

My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King