Chapters (38)
- Cover
- Also By Daniel Kraus
- Title Page
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Money
- Supermilk
- Bugs
- My Wiener
- Gwendolyn
- Midget
- Walgreen
- Dick Trickle
- Scrapbook
- Apples
- Dag
- Love
- My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers
- Moms
- Phone Call
- Phone Call 2
- Punch
- Robbie
- Natural Light
- Flypaper
- Kyle
- Queen
- Fam
- Dragon
- Walgreen 2
- Dick Trickle 2
- Feast
- Shower
- Music
- The Fly
- My Wiener Part 3: The Return of the King
- Mrs F
- Ghosts
Sounds like a lot of work though so Im like nah lets chill and wait for Ellen to come on cuz that dyke is amusing as hell. Its eight in the dang morning, right? So I put my feet up on the TV and thats when sharkweek gets real. Robbie shakes like hes having the DTs and his eyes go all watery and when it comes to Robbie watery eyes dont indicate being sad, it indicates total ninja rage. Fat boys so large, if he lays into you he can break a bone. So I take my feet down and I go <Chill, man, Ill get you your candies!> Its not like Im shook for real or nothing but dang. I dont need another broke toe. Broke toes take forever to heal and they make you run like a bitch.
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Midgets so excited about getting candies she might tinkle her drawers. Little sister is psycho for sugar. Course theres no way youd know that cuz Midget doesnt talk, but shes been my foster sister over a year now so Ive had plenty a time to do scientific observation. Sister eats sugar straight outta the dang packet. One time ants were in the sugar and Midget didnt give a mightyduck! Crazy little ho went crazy on that stuff. When she finished there was one little black ant dude fighting to crawl out her mouth. Serious, yo, I was rooting for that little guy but nope. He got slurped.
Supermilk
Supermilk
Robbie gives Dag a big fat roll a cash. Kinda burns me up to be honest. Just cuz Dag lives in Pinebluff Glenn Estates, fat boy thinks shes more responsible than me? If shes so responsible, how come she spends so much time on Yellow Street in Robbies craphole? If anyones in charge of us three kids its me. Dags been following me around since she started public school. Yeah, I know. It sounds like she wants my wiener. She dont though. Cant blame her either. Like I said, Im mad short.
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School was where me and Dag first met up. Recess, three years back. Guess you could say it was fateful and whatnot. She rolled up while I was trying to crack open the ribs a this bird. You know, for science. I mean, the bird was dead. Aint like he was pecking me. But Dag rolls up and starts bugging cuz she says Ill catch bacterial plague. So I dig around till I find this DVD in the gutter called Hope Floats and I start using that instead a my hands but Dag doesnt approve a that either cuz she says Sandra Bullocks is a Oscar winning actress and you have to respect that. I was like, bitch, Sandra Bullocks aint ever won a dang Oscar! And she starts talking Oscars like shes a professor of Oscar studies. Godfather Two and Ben Hur and Rain Man, all kinds a crazy sharkweek.
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