I dont have any skills except my throwing stars which I can throw with pinpoint accuracy. Problem is, the last time I threw one was at Gwendolyn and you recall how mad Dag got. So I ask Robbie if I should develop new skills and fat boy surprises me. He shakes his big head so hard his greasy hair flops all around. He says throwing star skills are dope, I just need to focus on fending off dangerous villains instead of trying to impale dogs Dag loves with all her heart.

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Listen, I didnt ever think Id be saying this, but Robbies advice is tight. I go up top and fat boy slaps me some skin. His chins are jiggling real pleased too. He says before long all the shorties on the block will be wetting their drawers for me. I dont know why theyd want to do that but I keep that to myself. I guess shorties do pee their pants when they get excited. Seems nasty if you ask me but maybe its sexy when it happens for real.

My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers

My Wiener Part 2: The Two Towers

Thats right! Lord of the Rings humor free a charge! Take a sec to appreciate that while I figure out if I even want to discuss this topic. It isnt fun, man. It isnt fun at all walking around super concerned about your wiener. I told you how I measured it to make sure it was bigger than a peanut but that doesnt help much when robocops left and right talk about their meat like its the size a their arms. Even if I throw my four point black ronin and take down a raccoon with rabies and Dag thanks me by dropping her drawers? Dont tell Robbie but Im not even sure I could go through with it. Id be too nervous. How am I supposed to know what girls think about wieners? Moms broke all our mirrors with a hammer so Ive been inspecting my junk at Robbies crib and I dont know, it looks proportional and whatnot but not like what they have in porn. For real, I think I might be deformed like Deformo. Sometimes at night I get thinking about it and my stomach starts hurting and then I get diarrhea and I cant sleep and then I have to skip school and then I get detention. And all cuz a my wiener.

Moms

Moms

Every time Dag goes home to Pinebluff Glenn Estates I get jealousy. No sense lying about it. Dags folks might go overboard with her activities but they no doubt give her plenty of food and clothes and special gifts. But Moms? You probably figured out Moms had some mental problems a while back. I wasnt hardly old enough to dress myself when she quit cooking and cleaning and going to work and instead started watching TV.

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