We go to the candy aisle and the candy aisle is banging. Its got all your Halloween basics like Reeses Peanut Butter Pumpkins, Ghost Dots, Cadbury Screme Eggs, Pumpkin Peeps. Its got Brachs Party Mix which is great value for your dollar. Also Hershey Kiss Pumpkin Spice thats tasty as hell even though it sounds super gross. Best thing about Walgreen though is they stock crazy off brand junk too. Max o Malt and Choco Crisp plus Gummy Body Parts and Spooky Lip Pops and this interesting product called Blood Bag thats candified gel you squeeze out a tube. Im feeling supermilked just imagining the taste sensations.

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Me and my crew get a basket and load up. Midget wants Twirl Pops with spider and ghost designs. You dont got to ask twice, Midge! Dag wants her some ancient chalky old Twilight Sweethearts that are like normal Sweethearts except they have Twilight words like <BE MY BLLA> and <I♥EC>. I dont have a clue what that means but who cares? In the basket it goes!

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Now dont worry. We dont forget Robbies Fun Size Snickers. Dag, though, shes smarter than all our asses, especially fat boy, and she starts thinking logical. If Robbie really wants to put crack rock inside candy bars, he didnt choose very wise, did he? What do they say about Snickers on TV? They say Snickers are packed with peanuts! And if its packed with peanuts, theres not gonna be much room for crack rock, you know?

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Dag ponders for a bit and says what we need is Three Musketeer cuz Three Musketeer is like ninety percent nougat. Dags so intelligent I decide to ask her why she figures Robbie really wants to hand out drugged up candies in the first place and Dag just repeats how Robbie hates people cuz how they did him wrong in the past. Seems kind a overboard if you ask me but like I said shortys smarter than me by a mile so I go along. So we swap in Fun Size Three Musketeers and I feel so good about it I can take off Barack Obama without feeling too sad. I even wipe the inside of the mask on my pants cuz I dont want the next inspirational American that wears it to be catching pinkeye.

Dick Trickle

Dick Trickle

The register lines dragging balls. We have to wait behind all your regular fools. Cameltoe skanks and sports jersey bros. When we get next in line I tiptoe to peep the snap of Robbie they have taped up. But Midget starts pestering me with her hungry whine so I take out the Dubble Bubble. This time a year Dubble Bubble has sick styles like Slime Balls and Horror Eyes and little sister cant resist, so I rip open the bag and fetch her one. Dick Trickle frowns so hard I think his dentures are gonna pop out.

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