I thought I’d send you a postcard to cheer you up in that dank little house, so here you go! It is so hot here you can feel it strengthening your bones and the sushi is To Die For. I am having a sensational time with Dan, whose friends have welcomed me warmly and are very respectful of my work. We are getting along so well and I’m thinking about living with him more than dying with him, so that’s a real plus. The best thing is it looks like there is a lot of work out here for someone like me and as you know I’ve always wanted to travel so Dan and I are looking into longer-term possibilities but of course I will keep you posted. The other day we went to see the Hollywood sign and do you know it looks ever so flimsy up close. Anyway, let it be shouted from the rooftops (and the hillsides): CARMEN MCLAINE HAS MADE IT TO HOLLYWOOD!!!!

Love and light,

Mum xxx

SILENT-ISH NIGHT

I get back from the Foof Christmas party to find Kelly lying on the sofa, wearing a Santa hat. She’s halfway down a bottle of port.

‘You are scrumptious.’

‘This is as far as I go.’

I sit down and help myself to a small glass of port. She shuffles around, making room for me, and puts her legs either side of me. There is one of those loathsome nostalgia programmes on TV. Weren’t the 90s Great? No, I think. Let the nineties die with dignity.

She grunts and shifts on the sofa, pulls my phone out from underneath her and hands it to me. ‘There you go. Half an hour.’

‘You’re a cruel mistress.’

‘You know it.’

I take my phone and turn it on.

‘I feel really sorted, you know,’ I say. The phone starts to come alive.

‘Did you have any tea?’

‘A few festive snacks,’ I say, mindlessly going through my apps.

‘Hmph.’

‘Yeah,’ I say. My phone awakens with alerts and new messages.

‘Jenny?’

‘…’

‘You’re getting that glazed look. I think you’d better give that back.’

But I can’t.

‘JENNY.’

Kelly puts her port glass down and starts getting up. I run into the kitchen with my phone.

‘Jenny!’

She is chasing me. I will wrestle her if I have to. Hahahahaharrgggggggggggh.

She loves me.

INBOX

Suzy Brambles started following you on Instagram.

FIN

?

THANKS

To my friends, for loving me and letting me steal their gold, particularly: Sally Cook, Katie Popperwell, Natalie O’Hara, Nicola Mostyn, Maria Roberts, Sarah Tierney, Alison Taylor, Emily Morris, Jesca Hoop, Holly Smale, Alex and Simon Glew, Eden Keane and Romana Majid.

To my agent and friend Clare Conville, who always steers me to shore and has picked me up off too many decks to mention. To all at Conville & Walsh. To Camilla Young and all at Curtis Brown.