I take my time preparing to reply, and then I go for it. The words pour out of me, like a sudden rush of dammed water through a crack. ‘Listen, Art, I probably won’t. I fucking hate art galleries. I always did. It’s a relief to be able to tell you this, finally, as a friend.’

There’s a rush up my back. I hear his lips make a wet sound and then he says, ‘Okay. Thanks. That’s okay.’

‘Now go to bed. Good night.’

‘Okay.’

He stays there, breathing. I stay there breathing, too.

‘What is it, Art?’

‘You know, you scare the shit out of me.’

KELLY SAYS

‘Is this it? Are we doing it? Did we retire?’

‘It’s not about retiring. It’s about not waiting.’

We can just about make it work with my pay rise and there’s a spare room for the mothers to stay in – if and when they visit.

‘If we are going to be truly modern about this,’ she says, ‘then we have to see it through. If you want kids, I mean. You could get a sperm donor. We raise the kids together. We have a life and home and future together here, as certain as any anywhere. Think about it.’

‘Have you and my mother discussed this?’

‘No!’

‘Good. Because there are more pressing things at hand. We need to get a chores rota going,’ I say, ‘and a list of house rules. Or a family agreement. If this is a project, then it is a PROJECT.’

Kelly laughed. ‘What the fuck. Okay, whatever, we’ll try this.’

I look at the picture on the wall, of my mother on stage a few years ago, in her element. I have put it in a frame, next to a framed print of a letter Anne Sexton sent her daughter. Be your own woman. Belong to those you love.

‘I’ll keep you there, Mother,’ I think. ‘Now be a good girl and smile.’

Kelly gets her phone out. ‘Check this out,’ she says, pointing the screen towards me. ‘They’re at Chateau Marmont.’

‘I love how obsessed you are with my mother online now. I thought you were immune.’

‘Watch.’

The video plays. My mother and Dan Mosel are at the piano in the hotel lobby. My mother is on top of the piano, holding a thunderball glass. She is singing ‘My Baby Just Cares For Me’ and Dan Mosel is playing the piano, and not badly. There are people around of various ages, whooping and cheering her on. My mother is, categorically, having A Ball.

‘I think your mum is having a better retirement than us so far,’ says Kelly.